Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.
The Struggle is Real
We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.
It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?
Start with Yourself: Practicing love as a verb
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:
1. Be Kind to Yourself
How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.
2. Engage in Joyful Activities
What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.
Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.
3. Reflect on What Matters
Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.
Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.
The Ripple Effect of Self-Care
When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.
By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.
Love as a verb towards others - practicing intentional loving
Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.
When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.
Conclusion
It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.
Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.
If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.
And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.
Much Love,
Anabel