Talking about sex can often feel like one of the most vulnerable aspects of any relationship. But beneath the discomfort of discussing desires and boundaries lies something much larger: the deep-seated influence of traditional sexual scripts. These cultural and societal narratives shape how we view ourselves and our partners, and they can perpetuate patterns that hinder open, honest sexual communication.
I know this first hand. Recently, I delivered a webinar on sexual communication, and despite my research and advocacy around breaking the silence, I still felt the weight of societal expectations. My heart raced, my mouth dried, and I found myself questioning my role in discussing sex, especially considering how sex has been framed in our society—often with shame or silence attached.
If I, as a researcher and sexually liberated person, felt this pressure, imagine how it must feel for those who are navigating these conversations in intimate relationships under the heavy influence of traditional sexual scripts.
In many societies, sexual roles are scripted, and these scripts can influence how individuals communicate about sex, both with themselves and with their partners. Traditional sexual scripts—which often define roles based on gender, sexual orientation, and expectations—can limit the depth of sexual communication, creating barriers to understanding, vulnerability, and satisfaction.
These scripts are learned early in life and reinforced through media, culture, and even family dynamics. They shape how we view intimacy, sexual desire, and gender roles in our relationships. As a result, sexual communication becomes laden with unspoken assumptions that may not reflect our true needs or desires.
The fear of deviating from traditional sexual scripts leads to self-censorship and silence, which perpetuates a cycle of unmet needs and emotional disconnection. These scripts create a false sense of “how things should be,” making it hard for partners to have authentic conversations about what they truly want or need in their sexual lives.
When we don’t question or critically engage with these norms, we perpetuate the societal idea that sex is taboo or should be treated as something sacred, separate, or shameful. But in reality, sexual communication in relationships is essential to ensuring emotional health, respect, and true intimacy.
When we continue to adhere to these traditional sexual scripts and avoid communication, the consequences go beyond individual relationships. On a societal level, this lack of open dialogue can contribute to:
While systemic change around sexual communication is necessary, there are small but impactful ways we can begin to shift these norms in our personal relationships. These changes, over time, can have a ripple effect, challenging cultural assumptions about sex and empowering individuals to speak their truths.
Before engaging in sexual communication with a partner, it’s crucial to understand how traditional sexual scripts have influenced your own beliefs about sex. For many of us, these scripts are so ingrained that we don’t even question them. To break the silence, we first need to examine how these societal narratives have shaped our sexual identities and communication styles.
Action Steps:
Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Vulnerability in relationships can be a shared experience, where both partners work together to break down the walls built by societal expectations. It’s not just about speaking for yourself but creating a space where both individuals can challenge societal norms together.
Start by sharing:
Instead of focusing on a perfect sexual experience, shift the focus to connection and mutual understanding. Let go of the belief that sex has to be flawless or fit into a particular script. This reframing allows space for authentic conversations about desires, boundaries, and how to make intimacy a shared, fulfilling experience.
Action Steps:
Changing how we communicate about sex requires challenging larger cultural and societal norms. While this might feel like an overwhelming task, the power lies in everyday actions—like being open with partners, advocating for sex-positive spaces, and supporting inclusive dialogue in your communities.
Engage in conversations with friends, communities, and organisations that challenge traditional sexual scripts and advocate for more inclusive, open dialogue.
When we embrace sexual communication and question traditional sexual scripts, we create not only better relationships but also a more inclusive, sex-positive society. These conversations help us dismantle harmful norms and open up new avenues for connection, intimacy, and mutual respect. Breaking the silence is about more than improving individual relationships—it’s about creating a culture where everyone can express their needs, desires, and boundaries without fear of judgement or exclusion.
The journey to changing sexual communication begins with self-awareness, vulnerability, and collective action. By addressing and deconstructing traditional sexual scripts, we can shift the cultural conversation about sex and intimacy, fostering deeper connections and more equitable relationships.
Remember, each step you take towards better sexual communication not only strengthens your own relationships but also contributes to a larger cultural shift towards more open, inclusive, and authentic conversations about sex.
Further Reading
If you would like to delve deeper into the research on sexual scripts, here is an original article by the founders of sexual script theory William Simon and John Gagnon.
I also recently published an article for Kiss & Tell Magazine on the same topic, which can be found here.
Anabel x
Have you ever tried to help your partner, only to feel like your efforts made things worse? Maybe you offered advice, thinking you were being supportive, but instead of gratitude, you were met with frustration. This can be a common experience in relationships, so let’s dive into how you can support your partner in a way that actually helps rather than hinders.
In relationships, it’s easy to misinterpret what our loved ones truly need. Sometimes, your partner may seem to be asking for help, but what they really want is a listening ear or a comforting presence. So, how can you support your partner in a way that meets their true needs and strengthens your bond?
Before jumping in to "fix" things, consider asking your partner what kind of support they need. Here are a few approaches:
The most straightforward way to understand what your partner needs is to ask. Try something like, “Would you prefer to talk it out or do you just need a hug?” or “Would practical advice help, or would it be more helpful just to vent?” Direct questions can save you both from misunderstandings.
If your partner is dealing with a work-related issue, remember they likely know the situation best. Sometimes they may just need a space to process their thoughts, without added input. Consider whether offering an outside perspective is truly helpful or if it might add to their stress.
Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is give your partner space. When tensions are high, even well-meaning help can feel overwhelming. Recognising when to step back can show respect for their needs and allow them to regain a sense of control.
Supporting your partner doesn’t always go as planned, and your attempts might sometimes be met with irritation. Here’s how to handle those moments gracefully:
It’s natural to feel hurt if your support isn’t received well, but remember, their reaction is likely a reflection of their own stress. Try not to take it to heart if they seem frustrated. By staying calm and compassionate, you’ll help keep the environment emotionally safe.
If a discussion begins to escalate, consider suggesting a pause. This isn’t about ignoring the problem but about giving each other the space to approach the issue more calmly. You might say, “Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re both feeling clearer.” Taking a step back can prevent unnecessary conflict.
Take some time to think about how you and your partner typically handle stress together. Do you tend to jump in with solutions, or do you offer the emotional support they might be seeking? And importantly, how do you express your own needs when you’re feeling overwhelmed?
If navigating these moments feels challenging, you might consider relationship coaching. Together, you can explore ways to communicate more effectively, foster a deeper connection, and build a partnership where both of you feel truly seen, heard, and valued. If you feel I could help you, please contact me here.
If you would like to read more about communicating positively in your relationships you can check out my other blogs here. Or if you love to read, there is an amazing book that I highly recommend to my clients called Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life By Marshall B. Rosenberg which can be found in many places including Amazon. There are also some information, resources and exercises here on NVC that you may enjoy.
Anabel x
Hey, you—yes, you! Have you been thinking, “Maybe I need some help with my relationship, perhaps a relationship coach could help” but you’re not sure where to start? Well, you’re not alone. We all go through tough times in our relationships—whether it’s struggles with communication, feeling emotionally distant, or just the day-to-day stress of life getting in the way.
As a relationship and sexual communication coach, I’ve worked with many people who felt like things weren’t going well but didn’t know how to fix it. That’s where relationship coaching comes in. It’s not just for those in relationships on the brink of breaking up. In fact, getting coaching early can save your relationship from falling into patterns that make it harder to fix later.
If you’re wondering whether it’s time to talk to a coach, here are five signs to help you decide.
Let's be real—how many times have you had a conversation with your partner, only for it to end with one (or both) of you feeling unheard or misunderstood? If this sounds familiar, you're definitely not alone. Communication is one of the top reasons people come to me for coaching. We all have our unique communication styles, but when it feels like you’re speaking different languages, it can create a lot of tension.
What can a relationship coach do?
A coach will help you both understand how to speak the same "relationship language." It’s not just about listening—it’s about hearing. Together, we'll uncover how to really listen to each other, so you both feel understood. That’s the key to resolving conflicts, big or small.
Question to think about: How often do you feel like your partner actually hears what you're saying—without getting defensive?
You know those moments when you think, "When was the last time we really connected?" Intimacy isn’t just about sex (though, yes, that’s part of it)—it’s about emotional closeness and feeling like your partner gets you. If you're feeling like that spark is fading or your emotional intimacy is non-existent, it might be time to talk to someone.
What can a relationship coach do?
A relationship coach can help reignite that emotional and physical connection, helping you both explore ways to rebuild closeness. I use a range of tools from Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology to rediscover the joy in your relationship and get back to a place where intimacy feels natural, not forced.
Question to think about: When was the last time you shared a quiet, meaningful moment with your partner, without distractions?
Arguing isn’t the problem—it’s how we argue. If you’re finding that the same disagreements keep cropping up, unresolved and lingering, it’s a sign that deeper issues might be going unaddressed. Over time, this can chip away at your connection, causing frustration to pile up. A healthy argument should lead to understanding and growth, not resentment.
What can a relationship coach do?
Together we will explore how to argue constructively while connecting. It’s about making sure you both feel heard and understood—even in moments of tension. A relationship coach can offer tools for navigating conflict without the fallout, creating a stronger connection through resolution.
Question to think about: Do you feel like you’re resolving your issues or just sweeping them under the rug?
Have you noticed that you’re sharing space but not much else? Feeling emotionally and physically distant from your partner can make it seem like you’re just roommates with benefits instead of partners. That disconnect can leave both people feeling isolated and even lonely, even when you're together.
What can a relationship coach do?
Coaching is all about helping you get back to the roots of your connection—emotionally, physically, and mentally. Together, we’ll explore the reasons behind the distance and help you reconnect, reigniting that partnership you once had.
Question to think about: Are you and your partner really present with each other, or are you just going through the motions?
Whether it’s moving, changing jobs, or dealing with a big family shift, life changes can put huge strain on your relationship. It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of life and forget that your relationship needs attention too. Often, these changes expose cracks that were already there—only now, they’re more obvious.
What can a relationship coach do?
A relationship coach can help you navigate these changes together. By understanding how these external pressures affect your relationship, we can develop strategies that make you feel more connected and resilient as a team. You won’t just get through it—you’ll come out stronger.
Question to think about: How well do you and your partner adapt to changes together, and what could you improve?
Here’s the thing: a lot of people wait until their relationship is in crisis before seeking professional help. But the earlier you address small issues, the easier it is to turn things around. A relationship coach isn’t just for “fixing” a failing relationship—it’s about helping you both thrive and grow together.
You deserve a relationship where you feel heard, understood, and deeply connected. If these five signs hit home, it might be time to consider professional coaching before the little issues become big problems.
If you’re seeing yourself in any of these signs, don’t wait until things get worse. Book a consultation with me, and let’s explore how coaching can transform your relationship—starting today.
Click here to book your free discovery call
Want to dive deeper into relationship dynamics? I highly recommend "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. His research-backed insights are perfect for those in relationships looking to strengthen their bond before things get rocky.
Are communication struggles in your relationships causing frustration and distance? You're not alone. Poor communication is one of the most common issues those in relationships face, and it can gradually undermine even the strongest connections. If conversations often end in confusion or feelings of being unheard, it's time to explore why this happens and how you can overcome these barriers to create a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
Poor Listening Skills: A Hidden Culprit
One of the key reasons for communication struggles in relationships is poor listening. It's easy to assume that hearing the words your partner says means you're truly listening, but active listening goes much deeper. Studies show that many of us fail to listen actively, meaning we don’t fully understand or acknowledge what our partner is saying.
When active listening is absent, misunderstandings and feelings of neglect can arise. This can lead to unresolved conflicts, creating a cycle of miscommunication that makes it harder to reconnect, leaving both partners frustrated and emotionally distant.
Distractions
In today’s fast-paced world, distractions like smartphones, work, or outside stress can make it hard to fully focus on your partner during conversations.
Emotional Reactions
We all have emotional triggers, and sometimes, an emotional reaction to what your partner says can interrupt your ability to truly listen. Instead of engaging in dialogue, we may start defending ourselves.
Assumptions
Many of us make the mistake of assuming we know what our partner will say before they even finish speaking. These assumptions can lead to misunderstandings and missed opportunities for connection.
When communication struggles go unaddressed, they can lead to serious consequences. Poor listening may leave conflicts unresolved, which can breed resentment. Emotional intimacy begins to fade as partners start to feel disconnected, and trust may begin to erode. Over time, these issues can threaten the future of your relationship.
Building Active Listening Skills
If you’re facing communication struggles, relationship coaching can help. Through coaching, you can develop active listening skills, which allow you to understand your partner’s emotions and intentions more clearly.
Emotional Regulation
Coaching also focuses on emotional regulation, helping you stay calm and engaged in difficult conversations. Rather than becoming defensive, you’ll learn how to manage emotions and keep communication open.
Empathy and Understanding
Relationship coaching fosters empathy, helping you to see things from your partner’s perspective and strengthening your emotional connection.
Confidence in Communication
Coaching boosts your confidence, allowing you to express your needs and desires respectfully and clearly, reducing frustration and fostering a deeper connection.
Effective communication is vital for any relationship to thrive. Without it, even the strongest bonds can weaken over time. The good news is that communication struggles don’t have to last forever. Relationship coaching can give you the tools you need to improve your connection, listen more attentively, and communicate more openly. Take the first step today and contact me to book a free consultation session.
Anabel x
We often hear phrases like "Where there is pain, there is purpose," and "Where there are wounds, there is wisdom." However, these can feel dismissive to those of us who have experienced overwhelming trauma. Through my own healing process, I've realised that while such sentiments resonate with some, they may feel frustrating or even invalidating for others. Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG), the profound transformation that can arise from pain, has played a crucial role in my journey. Here, I’ll share how pain can lead to personal growth and how relationship coaching can support this process.
Trauma can seep into every aspect of life. In 2016, I found myself at my lowest point. My relationship was falling apart, my child was struggling with sleep, and the pressure of being a working mother weighed heavily on me. Bottling up my emotions, I pushed through, but I felt lost and numb.
It wasn’t until I reached out for help that I realised the importance of seeking support early. Despite all our efforts, my relationship with my son's father ended but this experience deepened my belief in the value of relationship coaching—I realised that relationship was no longer serving me positively and I felt positively about embracing a new me.
After the relationship breakdown, individual coaching became a lifeline. It allowed me to reconnect with myself, rediscover my passions, and embrace a mindset shift from despair to alignment. Coaching helped me redefine my identity as a woman, business owner, and mother. It was through this journey that I started to explore what truly mattered to me, including spirituality, mindfulness, and psychology.
Pain can be a catalyst for change. At my lowest point, I had to ask myself, "Is there more to life than this?" That was the moment I began my journey towards Post-Traumatic Growth. Instead of succumbing to despair, I chose to face my trauma head-on, recognising that pain could lead to profound transformation.
Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) refers to the personal development that can result from struggling with difficult life events. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which often traps individuals in cycles of anxiety and depression, PTG offers a path to resilience and strength.
Research identifies several areas in which individuals can experience growth following trauma:
Studies by Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004) first conceptualised PTG, highlighting that individuals who experience growth report a shift in their worldview, fostering a greater sense of life meaning. Further research by Park (2010) indicates that actively engaging in meaning-making after trauma increases the likelihood of experiencing growth.
Relationship coaching played a pivotal role in PTG for me. It’s not just about resolving issues - some cannot be fixed! Coaching helped me foster a mindset shift, uncover strengths, and build resilience. Through relationship coaching, I developed robust social networks, cultivate gratitude, and practice self-compassion which served as protective factors to help face my trauma.
For me, coaching provided a safe space to process my feelings, reconnect with my identity, and redefine my personal and professional goals.
Have you experienced Post-Traumatic Growth? If so, share your story with me on social media or reach out here if you need support in the form of coaching.
Remember, while pain can lead to purpose, sometimes additional help is needed. If you are not experiencing growth from your trauma, it might be helpful for you to reach out for professional support from a qualified therapist, the NHS or a helpline like The Samaritans.
Anabel x