A few months ago, I found myself at a Switchfoot gig in Birmingham, utterly captivated by the lyrics of Jon Foreman. As he sang, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” I was struck by the simplicity and profundity of the question. In that moment, the music faded into the background as my thoughts took centre stage. I asked myself: Am I heading where I want to go? What am I doing to get there? This reflection on personal identity didn’t stop there. My mind wandered to identity in relationships. Who are we in our relationships? Are we showing up as our authentic selves? Or do we mask parts of who we are to protect our partner’s feelings, avoid conflict, or simply “keep the peace”?
I’ve experienced it first-hand: losing touch with my identity in previous relationships. The very qualities that initially drew a partner to me—my playfulness, my childlike joy—became points of contention.
I remember the pain of shelving parts of myself because my “baby voice” or curious nature became “annoying.” Over time, I said goodbye to the playful, inquisitive version of myself. That loss left me questioning: What else had I hidden, stifled, or suppressed? And most importantly, why?
The answer is often complex. It’s not just about the dynamics of a relationship; it’s about systemic influences, societal expectations, and our fears of rejection or conflict. These factors intertwine, leading us to compromise pieces of who we are. Sometimes, we don’t notice it until the relationship ends, and we’re left wondering: Who am I now?
It’s not always obvious when you’re losing touch with your authentic self, but there are signs:
These are signals to pause and reflect on your identity and your role in the relationship.
Authenticity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the foundation of sustainable, fulfilling relationships. When we lose ourselves, the connection falters. But when we show up as our whole selves, flaws and all, we create space for genuine intimacy.
Reflect on your own relationships: Are you being true to yourself? Are you living the life you want, not just in your career or personal goals, but in how you show up with your partner?
For me, the Switchfoot gig was a wake-up call. I’ve promised myself to honour my curiosity, my playfulness, and my childlike joy—no matter what. And I challenge you to do the same. After all, this is your life. Are you who you want to be?
Much Love,
Anabel x
"This is your life - Switchfoot" Lyrics
If you enjoy reading academic literature. Here is an article on authenticity in romantic relationships and its impact on relationship outcomes.
Coaching can help you stay authentic in your relationships. If you would like to work with me, you can contact me here.
Communication in relationships can make or break the connection between partners. From feeling heard to addressing conflicts, the way we communicate directly impacts our satisfaction. But why is communication so important, and how can we make it work better for us? Let’s explore the research and practical tips for enhancing communication in relationships.
Research consistently highlights the positive link between communication in relationships and overall satisfaction. Studies reveal that effective communication—whether it's discussing day-to-day events or diving into deeper, more intimate topics—builds trust, reduces misunderstandings, and fosters emotional closeness.
Sexual communication deserves special mention. Openly discussing needs, desires, and boundaries can greatly enhance sexual satisfaction, which, in turn, contributes to overall relationship happiness. According to Montesi et al. (2011), couples who communicate openly about their sexual needs report greater sexual satisfaction. More recently, my own research supports this notion.
The absence of negative communication styles—such as criticism or stonewalling—plays a vital role in relationship satisfaction (Armenta Hurtarte & Díaz-Loving, 2008). Meanwhile, positive traits like perspective-taking and self-disclosure strengthen bonds and improve mutual understanding (Meeks et al., 1998).
Despite these findings, the connection between communication and relationship satisfaction isn’t always clear-cut. Research by Lavner et al. (2016) shows that while happy couples communicate well, there isn’t always a strong cause-and-effect relationship. In other words, while good communication is crucial, other factors like individual wellbeing, external stressors, and shared values also play significant roles.
Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship, and communication is its foundation. Small acts like keeping promises, showing appreciation, and being consistent build trust over time. However, trust is fragile and requires constant care. If broken, honest conversations and a commitment to repair are essential.
Compassionate communication—think of it as a warm, cosy blanket for your relationship—can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth. By actively listening and validating your partner’s feelings, you create a safe space for honest dialogue.
Improving communication in relationships takes effort, but the rewards are worth it. Whether it’s expressing appreciation, setting boundaries, or simply choosing the right moment to talk, small changes can lead to big improvements in satisfaction.
Ready to dive deeper into enhancing your relationship? Check out my other blogs , coaching services and workshops designed to help you build stronger, happier connections. Let’s create a world where better communication leads to better relationships.
And, if you would like to delve deeper into the research outlined, you can click on the citations in the blog to read the full articles.
Much Love,
Anabel x
When you hear the words couples therapy, you might picture two people sitting across from a therapist, diving into their latest conflict, hoping to find common ground. But what happens when your love life doesn’t come in a neat, two-person package? What if your relationship includes more than just two hearts in the mix—or none at all, for those living their best solo poly lives?
And while we’re here, what if therapy isn’t the solution you need? Maybe you’re looking for something more forward-focused, dynamic, and tailored to your unique connection(s). That’s where coaching steps in, challenging the old-school idea of “fixing couples” and making room for every kind of love story.
Let’s explore why the words “couples therapy” deserve a refresh, and why coaching might just be the modern alternative you didn’t know you needed.
“Couples” is a term so ingrained in our vocabulary that we rarely stop to question it. It’s cozy, convenient, and rolls off the tongue—but it’s also limiting. Here’s why:
Therapy and coaching both aim to support relationships, but they go about it in different ways. While therapy often focuses on healing the past, coaching takes a forward-thinking approach. It’s about building skills, strengthening communication, and navigating the complexities of love with confidence.
Here’s how coaching shines:
Coaching isn’t just therapy-lite—it’s a different ballgame altogether. Here’s why it’s perfect for modern relationships:
Forget the image of sitting on a couch in a neutral-toned office. Coaching sessions can happen online, in a coffee shop, or even during a walk in the park. It’s designed to fit into your life, not the other way around.
From polycules to platonic partnerships, coaching isn’t bound by traditional definitions of a relationship. It’s about helping your unique connection thrive—whether that means resolving conflict, enhancing communication, or simply figuring out how to make Google Calendar work for six people.
Coaching isn’t only for relationships in crisis. It’s a proactive way to deepen intimacy, foster understanding, and ensure your relationships grow with intention. Think of it as a love-life upgrade.
Let’s face it: the traditional model of couples therapy doesn’t work for everyone. Modern relationships are as diverse as the people in them, and they deserve support that meets them where they are—not where society expects them to be.
Coaching offers a flexible, inclusive alternative that values your unique dynamic and focuses on building the future you want. Whether you’re in a pair, a polycule, or thriving as a solo poly individual, the right support can help your relationship(s) flourish.
If you’ve been searching for support that goes beyond the binary, coaching might be just what you’re looking for. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about helping you grow, together or apart. Curious to learn more? Let’s start the conversation here.
Much Love,
Anabel x
Talking about sex can often feel like one of the most vulnerable aspects of any relationship. But beneath the discomfort of discussing desires and boundaries lies something much larger: the deep-seated influence of traditional sexual scripts. These cultural and societal narratives shape how we view ourselves and our partners, and they can perpetuate patterns that hinder open, honest sexual communication.
I know this first hand. Recently, I delivered a webinar on sexual communication, and despite my research and advocacy around breaking the silence, I still felt the weight of societal expectations. My heart raced, my mouth dried, and I found myself questioning my role in discussing sex, especially considering how sex has been framed in our society—often with shame or silence attached.
If I, as a researcher and sexually liberated person, felt this pressure, imagine how it must feel for those who are navigating these conversations in intimate relationships under the heavy influence of traditional sexual scripts.
In many societies, sexual roles are scripted, and these scripts can influence how individuals communicate about sex, both with themselves and with their partners. Traditional sexual scripts—which often define roles based on gender, sexual orientation, and expectations—can limit the depth of sexual communication, creating barriers to understanding, vulnerability, and satisfaction.
These scripts are learned early in life and reinforced through media, culture, and even family dynamics. They shape how we view intimacy, sexual desire, and gender roles in our relationships. As a result, sexual communication becomes laden with unspoken assumptions that may not reflect our true needs or desires.
The fear of deviating from traditional sexual scripts leads to self-censorship and silence, which perpetuates a cycle of unmet needs and emotional disconnection. These scripts create a false sense of “how things should be,” making it hard for partners to have authentic conversations about what they truly want or need in their sexual lives.
When we don’t question or critically engage with these norms, we perpetuate the societal idea that sex is taboo or should be treated as something sacred, separate, or shameful. But in reality, sexual communication in relationships is essential to ensuring emotional health, respect, and true intimacy.
When we continue to adhere to these traditional sexual scripts and avoid communication, the consequences go beyond individual relationships. On a societal level, this lack of open dialogue can contribute to:
While systemic change around sexual communication is necessary, there are small but impactful ways we can begin to shift these norms in our personal relationships. These changes, over time, can have a ripple effect, challenging cultural assumptions about sex and empowering individuals to speak their truths.
Before engaging in sexual communication with a partner, it’s crucial to understand how traditional sexual scripts have influenced your own beliefs about sex. For many of us, these scripts are so ingrained that we don’t even question them. To break the silence, we first need to examine how these societal narratives have shaped our sexual identities and communication styles.
Action Steps:
Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Vulnerability in relationships can be a shared experience, where both partners work together to break down the walls built by societal expectations. It’s not just about speaking for yourself but creating a space where both individuals can challenge societal norms together.
Start by sharing:
Instead of focusing on a perfect sexual experience, shift the focus to connection and mutual understanding. Let go of the belief that sex has to be flawless or fit into a particular script. This reframing allows space for authentic conversations about desires, boundaries, and how to make intimacy a shared, fulfilling experience.
Action Steps:
Changing how we communicate about sex requires challenging larger cultural and societal norms. While this might feel like an overwhelming task, the power lies in everyday actions—like being open with partners, advocating for sex-positive spaces, and supporting inclusive dialogue in your communities.
Engage in conversations with friends, communities, and organisations that challenge traditional sexual scripts and advocate for more inclusive, open dialogue.
When we embrace sexual communication and question traditional sexual scripts, we create not only better relationships but also a more inclusive, sex-positive society. These conversations help us dismantle harmful norms and open up new avenues for connection, intimacy, and mutual respect. Breaking the silence is about more than improving individual relationships—it’s about creating a culture where everyone can express their needs, desires, and boundaries without fear of judgement or exclusion.
The journey to changing sexual communication begins with self-awareness, vulnerability, and collective action. By addressing and deconstructing traditional sexual scripts, we can shift the cultural conversation about sex and intimacy, fostering deeper connections and more equitable relationships.
Remember, each step you take towards better sexual communication not only strengthens your own relationships but also contributes to a larger cultural shift towards more open, inclusive, and authentic conversations about sex.
Further Reading
If you would like to delve deeper into the research on sexual scripts, here is an original article by the founders of sexual script theory William Simon and John Gagnon.
I also recently published an article for Kiss & Tell Magazine on the same topic, which can be found here.
Anabel x
Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.
We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.
It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:
How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.
What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.
Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.
Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.
Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.
When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.
By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.
Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.
When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.
It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.
Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.
If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.
And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.
Much Love,
Anabel
As a relationship and communication coach, I often find myself reflecting on the myriad ways we can deepen our connections with those we care about. One aspect that frequently emerges in my discussions with clients is the importance of playfulness in romantic relationships. It’s fascinating to delve into the evidence supporting this concept and explore how a playful approach can enhance our relationships in delightful and meaningful ways.
Research has shown that playfulness in romantic relationships can lead to increased satisfaction and intimacy. Playful interactions often help partners navigate conflicts more effectively and foster a sense of safety and trust. When we embrace playfulness, we invite joy and laughter into our lives, making our relationships more vibrant.
Playfulness serves as a vital ingredient in relationship dynamics for several reasons:
To better understand how we can embrace playfulness in our relationships, I want to introduce you to Proyer’s OLIW model, which describes four facets of playfulness:
Understanding these facets of playfulness can help partners identify what resonates with them and how they might incorporate it into their interactions.
If you’re eager to bring more playfulness into your relationship but feel unsure where to start—or perhaps you find the idea of being playful a bit daunting—don’t worry! Here are some joyful suggestions that can help:
It’s essential to remember that playfulness is not a one-size-fits-all concept. What feels playful to one person may seem silly or uncomfortable to another. It’s crucial to be empathetic towards yourself and your partner as you explore this aspect of your relationship. Allowing space for discomfort can lead to growth and deeper understanding.
Incorporating playfulness into romantic relationships can be a powerful tool for fostering connection and enhancing relationship satisfaction. By understanding the different facets of play and exploring ways to integrate them into our lives, we can create more joyful and resilient partnerships. Let’s embrace the potential of play and enrich our experiences together, knowing that laughter and connection can transform our relationships in the most delightful ways.
If you are interested in reading more about Playfulness in Relationships I fully recommend the following articles:
Working with a coach can also help bring more playfulness to your relationships. If you would like to give it a try, you can contact me here.
Anabel x
Have you ever felt like you and your partner are speaking entirely different languages? It’s like you’re having the same conversation over and over, but never truly connecting. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Effective communication in relationships is a struggle for many, with those involved feeling like they’re talking past each other rather than truly hearing one another. This kind of disconnect can lead to frustration, isolation, and, in some cases, resentment. So, what’s the solution? How can we bridge this gap and foster a deeper connection through communication?
Effective communication in relationships is more than just words—it’s about truly hearing and understanding each other. But when we don’t feel heard, we can withdraw emotionally, leading to a cycle of distance and misunderstandings. Research shows that this “feeling unheard” is one of the biggest barriers to intimacy. Take a moment to think: when was the last time you felt truly listened to by your partner? What did that do for your sense of connection?
It’s easy to fall into the trap of talking at each other instead of talking with each other. So, how can we break free from this cycle? Let’s dive into some ways to change the conversation and make sure both partners feel seen and heard.
Before we jump into solutions, it’s important to differentiate between two key concepts in relationships: connection and intimacy. Connection is the emotional bond that makes you feel understood, valued, and close to your partner. It’s that warm feeling you get when you know someone “gets” you. Intimacy, on the other hand, is an active, intentional process—it’s about sharing vulnerable thoughts, feelings, and experiences to strengthen that emotional bond.
The key here is that while connection can ebb and flow based on external factors, intimacy is something we can actively cultivate. So, how can we foster both connection and intimacy through effective communication in relationships? Let’s explore!
Let’s start with the basics: active listening. We’ve all heard about it, but what does it really mean? Active listening means being fully present during a conversation—putting down your phone, making eye contact, and showing your partner that you’re invested in what they’re saying. For example, if your partner is venting about a tough day at work, try responding with something like, “It sounds like you’ve had a really challenging day. That must have been frustrating.”
Not only does this show empathy, but it also helps avoid misunderstandings. When both partners are committed to listening and understanding, the conversation flows much more smoothly.
We’ve all been there—trying to have an important conversation while the TV’s on, or when you’re both distracted by your phones. It’s hard to truly connect in those moments. To improve communication, you need to create a safe space. Choose a quiet time to talk when neither of you is distracted by other commitments. You could say something like, “Let’s put the phones away for the next 20 minutes and really talk.”
Setting ground rules, like taking turns speaking without interruption, can help you both feel heard. Remember, this isn’t about fixing problems in the moment—it’s about listening to each other.
Communication isn’t just about deep conversations—it’s about consistency. Schedule regular check-ins with your partner to talk about your relationship. These don’t have to be formal or heavy; they can be light but intentional. For example, ask, “What’s one thing we did well together this week?” or “Is there something we can work on?”
Regular check-ins prevent minor concerns from snowballing into bigger issues, and they help you both feel more connected and aligned in your relationship.
Sometimes, the best conversations are the ones that take you by surprise. Mix things up by asking fun, deep, or quirky questions that spark your partner’s curiosity. Try something like, “If you could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, who would it be?” or “What’s something you’ve always wanted to learn but haven’t yet?”
These kinds of questions allow you to discover new things about each other and keep the conversation fresh and engaging. Plus, they provide opportunities to express dreams, aspirations, and quirks that often don’t come up in daily chats.
It’s easy to become defensive when our partner shares something that feels critical. But instead of jumping to conclusions or defending yourself, try responding with curiosity. If your partner says, “I feel like you don’t care when I talk about my day,” instead of getting defensive, ask, “I didn’t realise you felt that way. Can you tell me more about why that matters to you?”
Approaching conversations with genuine curiosity not only deepens your understanding but also strengthens trust between you and your partner.
Empathy is one of the most powerful tools in effective communication. When your partner shares something emotional, practice listening with empathy rather than trying to solve the problem right away. For instance, if your partner is upset, instead of rushing to provide a solution, try saying, “I can see how that situation would be hard for you. How can I support you through this?”
Empathy builds emotional closeness and shows your partner that you’re truly invested in their feelings.
Improving communication in relationships doesn’t happen overnight—it’s a process. But by incorporating these strategies, you can create deeper connections, cultivate intimacy, and build a more meaningful relationship. Communication is a journey of growth, not perfection. So, take the first step today—show up, listen actively, and create a space where both you and your partner can thrive.
I have written many blogs on effective communication which can be found here.
I have created a question deck that you may find useful. It can be found below or under the Resources Tab on the home page.
Anabel x
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. Whether you're in a long-term partnership, marriage, or just starting out, how you communicate can strengthen or weaken your connection. One of the most insightful frameworks for understanding communication breakdowns in relationships comes from Dr. John Gottman, a leading expert in relationship research. He identified the "Four Horsemen of Communication" — four destructive communication behaviours that can predict serious relationship issues if left unaddressed.
In this blog, we’ll explore what these Four Horsemen are, how they damage relationships, and most importantly, how you can combat them with effective communication techniques.
Criticism involves attacking your partner’s character rather than addressing specific behaviours. For example, instead of saying, "We need to find a better way to manage the household chores," you might say, "You're so lazy, you never help out with anything."
Criticism cuts deep because it doesn’t focus on the issue at hand but instead attacks your partner personally. This can lead to feelings of hurt, resentment, and defensiveness, which escalate conflict. Research shows that sustained criticism can create lasting damage to a relationship.
Use "I" statements to express your feelings without blaming your partner. For instance, saying, "I feel overwhelmed with housework. Could we talk about a more balanced way to share responsibilities?" opens a dialogue rather than starting an argument.
Defensiveness occurs when you feel attacked or criticised and react by protecting yourself, either through excuses or by blaming your partner. For example, if your partner says, "You’re always late," you might respond, "I can’t help it, I’ve been busy."
Defensiveness prevents genuine problem-solving. Instead of addressing the concern, it shifts the focus to justifying yourself. This creates a cycle of negativity and hinders progress in resolving conflicts.
Instead of defending yourself, take responsibility, even for a small part of the issue. For instance, try, "I understand your frustration about my lateness. I will work on managing my time better." This shows a willingness to collaborate and find solutions.
Contempt is the most toxic of the Four Horsemen. It includes behaviours such as sarcasm, eye-rolling, name-calling, or mocking. An example might be, "Of course you forgot again, typical of you."
Contempt signals deep disrespect and can severely damage emotional bonds. Gottman’s research found that contempt is the number one predictor of divorce, as it erodes the trust and respect that are essential for a strong relationship.
Building a culture of appreciation is the antidote to contempt. Make it a habit to recognise and express gratitude for your partner’s positive qualities, creating an atmosphere of respect and love.
Stonewalling occurs when one partner withdraws emotionally or physically from the conversation, effectively shutting down communication. This could include giving the silent treatment, changing the subject, or physically leaving the room.
Stonewalling halts productive communication altogether. When one partner withdraws, it leaves the other feeling unheard and frustrated, intensifying the conflict. Gottman’s studies suggest that habitual stonewalling can lead to emotional disconnection.
If either of you begins stonewalling, it’s essential to take a break and return to the conversation later when you're both calmer. This helps prevent escalation and allows for a more constructive discussion.
Recognising these destructive communication patterns is the first step towards change. To overcome them, deeper exploration is necessary. Relationship and communication coaching can provide the guidance and tools needed to address underlying issues like unmet needs, unresolved conflicts, or hidden fears that often drive these negative behaviours.
Coaching helps you:
With the right strategies, you can replace these negative patterns with positive behaviours, creating a stronger, more resilient relationship.
If you recognise any of the Four Horsemen in your relationship, it's time to take action. Relationship and communication coaching can help you break free from these destructive patterns and build a stronger, more fulfilling connection with your partner.
Contact me today to discover how coaching can transform your communication and deepen your relationship.
References:
Anabel x
Responding to your partner’s good news is more than just acknowledging their success. It plays a vital role in shaping the strength of your emotional connection and relationship. In this blog, we’ll explore how responding to your partner's good news with intention and care can foster trust, enhance communication, and boost the overall health of your relationship. Let's dive into the importance of response styles, the benefits of active constructive responding (ACR), and understanding your partner's unique emotional needs.
When your partner shares exciting news, how you respond can make a big difference. There are four main response styles that can influence the dynamic of your relationship:
1. Active Constructive Responding (ACR)
ACR is the ideal way of responding to your partner’s good news. It involves showing genuine enthusiasm, asking thoughtful questions, and fully engaging with their joy. This approach deepens your emotional connection and strengthens the bond between you.
2. Passive Constructive Responding
In this style, you acknowledge your partner’s success, but the response is more reserved, such as a simple "That's great" or "Good for you." While it’s polite, it lacks the warmth and emotional depth of ACR.
3. Active Destructive Responding
Responding to your partner in a negative or critical way is called active destructive responding. You may engage with their good news, but with a dismissive, jealous, or belittling tone. This can cause tension and lead to arguments.
4. Passive Destructive Responding
This style involves a lack of response altogether or expressing indifference, such as ignoring the news or offering dismissive comments. It can erode the emotional connection and trust in your relationship.
While different response styles exist, responding to your partner with ACR has several key benefits that enhance relationship quality. Here are some advantages of actively and constructively engaging with your partner’s good news:
1. Strengthens Emotional Connection
Responding to your partner with enthusiasm and engagement creates shared positive experiences that deepen your emotional connection, fostering intimacy.
2. Boosts Self-Esteem
When you celebrate your partner’s achievements, they feel supported and valued. This boosts their self-esteem, which in turn strengthens the partnership.
3. Fosters a Positive Relationship Cycle
By responding positively, you set a tone of mutual support and encouragement. This creates a positive feedback loop where both partners feel comfortable sharing successes and challenges.
4. Improves Communication
Responding thoughtfully to your partner’s good news shows that you are an attentive and active listener. This strengthens communication and encourages open dialogue in the relationship.
5. Builds Trust
Trust is built through consistency in support. When your partner feels heard, valued, and appreciated, they are more likely to trust you with their vulnerabilities and share more openly.
While ACR is highly effective, it’s important to recognise that not all partners respond to enthusiasm in the same way. Understanding your partner’s needs and personality is crucial when responding to your partner's good news. Here are some considerations:
1. Introverted Personalities
Introverts may not appreciate high-energy responses. They often need space to process their emotions privately. A more subdued acknowledgment may feel more comfortable to them.
2. Fear of Pressure
Some partners worry that a highly enthusiastic response creates pressure for them to maintain that level of success. If this is the case, a more low-key response might be better received.
3. Modesty
People who are modest may feel uncomfortable with excessive attention on their achievements. They might downplay their success and prefer a quieter, more understated response.
4. Cultural Differences
Cultural backgrounds can shape how we react to good news. In some cultures, it is customary to remain humble, and overt displays of enthusiasm may feel inappropriate.
Ultimately, the best response to your partner’s good news is one that respects their preferences and emotional needs. Communication is key. To ensure that you’re responding to your partner in a way that makes them feel supported, have an open conversation about how they prefer to receive feedback. This shows respect for their individuality and helps build a healthier, more connected relationship.
Responding to your partner’s good news is a powerful tool for building trust, intimacy, and emotional connection in your relationship. By practising active constructive responding (ACR) and understanding your partner’s unique needs, you can create a relationship that thrives on mutual support, open communication, and shared joy.
So, the next time your partner shares something exciting, take a moment to respond thoughtfully. Your response can be the catalyst for strengthening the bond you share.
If you feel you need some help reflecting on, and improving the way you respond to your partner, maybe coaching could help. Feel free to connect with me here for a free consultation.
You can find the original journal article below:
Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What Do You Do When Things Go Right? The Intrapersonal and Interpersonal Benefits of Sharing Positive Events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228–245. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.87.2.228
And Here is some further information on ACR as well as some wider information about the topic.
Building a strong romantic relationship isn’t just about falling in love; it’s about staying in love. And staying in love doesn’t happen by accident. The secret ingredient? Intentionality in romantic relationships. This guide will show you how being intentional can make your relationship more meaningful, connected, and fulfilling. Let’s dive into practical ways to bring more purpose and attention to your love life.
Intentionality in romantic relationships starts with setting clear intentions. Ask yourself, "What do I really want from this relationship?" Defining your values, goals, and priorities together with your partner aligns both of you and creates a solid foundation for growth. Setting intentions can be as simple as sharing your hopes or as in-depth as building a vision for the future together. Don’t forget to communicate openly about these intentions, creating a roadmap that strengthens your emotional bond.
Effective communication is a hallmark of intentionality in romantic relationships. But communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about actively listening. Truly listen to your partner without interruptions or judgement. When you make an effort to engage in meaningful conversations, you create a safe space for trust and respect. This mutual understanding is essential for a deeper connection.
In a busy world, making time for each other is essential. Intentionality in romantic relationships means prioritising quality time. Schedule regular date nights, find activities you both love, and be present when you’re together—put away distractions. Quality time is about creating moments that strengthen your emotional bond and demonstrate your commitment to each other.
A powerful way to practice intentionality in romantic relationships is through small acts of love and kindness. Surprise your partner with something thoughtful, leave a sweet note, or lend a listening ear when times are tough. These simple gestures go a long way in showing your affection, dedication, and support for each other.
Every relationship has its challenges, but intentionality in romantic relationships means actively working through them as a team. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, address them respectfully and with empathy. Work together to find solutions, compromise, and grow stronger. Tackling challenges head-on strengthens your bond and resilience as a couple.
Your relationship benefits when you care for yourself too. Intentionality in romantic relationships also includes self-reflection. Take time to understand your needs and emotions, so you can bring your best self to your relationship. Practicing self-care and setting personal boundaries allows you to show up in a healthy, positive way.
Intentionality in romantic relationships is the secret ingredient to lasting love. From setting clear intentions to working through challenges together, being deliberate about your relationship actions leads to a deeper connection and fulfilment. Remember, love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. Be intentional, and watch your relationship flourish.
If you need help to be more intentional in your relationships why not try coaching? You can contact me here.
Here is a blog from Psychology Today that offers 12 tips for Happy, Long Lasting Relationships based on Psychological research.
You can also check out my other blogs here for useful guidance on keeping your relationships healthy and fulfilling.
Anabel x