Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.
We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.
It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:
How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.
What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.
Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.
Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.
Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.
When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.
By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.
Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.
When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.
It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.
Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.
If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.
And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.
Much Love,
Anabel
As a relationship and communication coach, I often find myself reflecting on the myriad ways we can deepen our connections with those we care about. One aspect that frequently emerges in my discussions with clients is the importance of playfulness in romantic relationships. It’s fascinating to delve into the evidence supporting this concept and explore how a playful approach can enhance our relationships in delightful and meaningful ways.
Research has shown that playfulness in romantic relationships can lead to increased satisfaction and intimacy. Playful interactions often help partners navigate conflicts more effectively and foster a sense of safety and trust. When we embrace playfulness, we invite joy and laughter into our lives, making our relationships more vibrant.
Playfulness serves as a vital ingredient in relationship dynamics for several reasons:
To better understand how we can embrace playfulness in our relationships, I want to introduce you to Proyer’s OLIW model, which describes four facets of playfulness:
Understanding these facets of playfulness can help partners identify what resonates with them and how they might incorporate it into their interactions.
If you’re eager to bring more playfulness into your relationship but feel unsure where to start—or perhaps you find the idea of being playful a bit daunting—don’t worry! Here are some joyful suggestions that can help:
It’s essential to remember that playfulness is not a one-size-fits-all concept. What feels playful to one person may seem silly or uncomfortable to another. It’s crucial to be empathetic towards yourself and your partner as you explore this aspect of your relationship. Allowing space for discomfort can lead to growth and deeper understanding.
Incorporating playfulness into romantic relationships can be a powerful tool for fostering connection and enhancing relationship satisfaction. By understanding the different facets of play and exploring ways to integrate them into our lives, we can create more joyful and resilient partnerships. Let’s embrace the potential of play and enrich our experiences together, knowing that laughter and connection can transform our relationships in the most delightful ways.
If you are interested in reading more about Playfulness in Relationships I fully recommend the following articles:
Working with a coach can also help bring more playfulness to your relationships. If you would like to give it a try, you can contact me here.
Anabel x