Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.

The Struggle is Real

We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.

It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?

Start with Yourself: Practicing love as a verb

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:

1. Be Kind to Yourself

How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.

2. Engage in Joyful Activities

What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.

Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.

3. Reflect on What Matters

Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.

Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Care

When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.

By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.

Love as a verb towards others - practicing intentional loving

Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.

When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.

Conclusion

It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.

Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.

If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.

And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.

Much Love,

Anabel

When it comes to navigating the complexities of relationships—whether romantic, familial, or professional—many people seek external help. However, the options available can be confusing. Should you see a therapist, work with a coach, or seek out a mentor? While these approaches share some similarities, they are distinct in their methods, goals, and ethical implications. Understanding these differences can help you choose the right type of support for your needs.

What is the difference between working with a coach, a therapist or a mentor?

Therapy is often the first choice for individuals or those in relationships experiencing difficulties. It focuses on exploring past experiences and emotional patterns to uncover underlying issues, making it particularly effective for dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, or other psychological challenges that impact relationships.

Mentoring offers guidance from someone who has walked a similar path, sharing personal experiences and advice. This approach is beneficial in contexts where learning from someone who has "been there" can accelerate growth, such as in professional or career development. However, mentoring is less structured and not designed to address the deeper emotional complexities of relationships.

Relationship Coaching is distinct with a unique, forward-focused, and exploratory approach. Unlike therapy, which delves into past traumas, coaching centres on current situations and future aspirations. Coaches work in partnership with individuals or those in relationships to explore their strengths, raise awareness of unconscious blocks, and create actionable steps toward desired outcomes. It’s about growth, possibility, and self-discovery rather than problem-solving or advice-giving.

Ethical Considerations: When to Choose Which

The choice between a coach, a therapist and a mentor should be guided by the specific needs and circumstances of the individual or relationship:

• Therapy is best suited for addressing underlying mental health issues. Ethical therapists provide a safe space to heal and manage psychological conditions, focusing on past experiences that affect present relationships.
• Mentoring is ideal when you seek career or life guidance from someone with relevant experience. However, it’s important to recognise that mentors are not equipped to handle psychological issues.
• Coaching is most effective for personal or relational growth, particularly when the focus is on exploring possibilities, setting aspirations, and building on existing strengths. Coaches facilitate a client-driven process within a supportive, non-judgemental environment.

The Unique Benefits of Relationship Coaching

Relationship coaching offers distinct advantages, particularly for those looking to move forward and enhance their relationships. Unlike therapy’s past-focused approach, coaching is about future aspirations and current strengths. It empowers individuals to take control of their relationship’s direction and to explore new possibilities.

Key benefits include:

• Strengths-Based Focus: Coaching helps you identify and build on what’s working well in your relationship, fostering a proactive, empowering mindset.
• Exploratory and Aspirational: Coaching isn’t just about solving problems; it’s about exploring new avenues, raising awareness of unconscious dynamics, and achieving personal and relational aspirations.
• Collaborative Partnership: Coaching emphasises partnership, working together to create solutions that align with your values and goals. It also acknowledges that not all issues require fixing—sometimes, increased awareness and understanding are sufficient to bring about positive change.

Who Can Benefit from Relationship Coaching?

Relationship coaching is particularly beneficial for individuals or those in relationships who:

• Are generally emotionally healthy but wish to enhance their connections with others.
• Want to achieve aspirations such as feeling more seen, heard, and understood; navigating conflict with greater ease; enhancing intimacy; or gaining the confidence to express their needs, knowing that their partner will be more receptive to hearing them.
• Seek increased validation and emotional safety within their relationship.
• Feel stuck in certain areas but are not facing serious mental health issues.
• Desire to explore unconscious blocks or deepen their self-awareness within their relationships.

While therapy remains the best option for those dealing with trauma or mental health disorders, coaching provides a dynamic alternative for those looking to build on their strengths and explore new relational possibilities.

Raising Awareness: Coaching as a Valuable Resource

Despite its many benefits, relationship coaching is often overlooked in favour of therapy. However, coaching is a proactive choice for those seeking to grow and enhance their relationships. It can be transformative, providing a supportive space where you are heard, valued, and empowered to be your best self.

If you’re curious about how coaching might benefit you, I invite you to book a chemistry call with me. As a certified relationship and communication coach, I can help you explore your strengths and aspirations, offering tailored support to create the relationship you desire. Whether you choose therapy, mentoring, or coaching, finding the right support is crucial. If you're ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and relationship enhancement, coaching might be just what you need.

Anabel x