In a world that demands constant movement—towards achievement, productivity, and performance—coaching offers something radically different: a space to pause, to be, to feel truly held.

The coaching relationship is not just a transaction of strategies and solutions; it is an invitation. A sanctuary where you are met with presence, not pressure. A space where curiosity leads, rather than rigid goals. Where transformation unfolds through reflection, exploration, and the deep resonance of being seen, valued, and heard.

A Relational Space for Growth

Coaching, at its heart, is relational. It is the co-creation of a space where you are not measured by your output but honoured for your being. Here, you are invited to lean into self-inquiry with compassion. To hold your experiences with gentle curiosity rather than self-judgment. To explore without expectation.

Through playfulness and curiosity, coaching becomes an adventure of possibility rather than a checklist of improvements. It allows for discovery without the burden of needing to be ‘better.’ This is not about fixing but about unfolding. Not about striving, but allowing.

Beyond Productivity: A Space for Presence

So much of life is geared towards doing—towards achieving, proving, and progressing. But what if there was power in simply being? The coaching relationship reclaims this space. It is a place where presence matters more than performance, where connection matters more than correction.

Through deep listening, non-judgmental witnessing, and loving kindness, coaching offers a rare and necessary refuge. A space where you do not have to justify your feelings, where silence is not empty but full, and where your voice is met not with answers but with understanding.

Transformation Through Loving Kindness

True transformation does not arise from force but from presence. It is in being seen without condition that we soften, open, and grow. Coaching, in its purest form, is not about pushing forward but about deepening into self-awareness and self-trust. It is about allowing space for what is emerging rather than forcing what is next.

Loving kindness holds this process. It is the gentle force that nurtures change, not through pressure, but through profound acceptance. When we feel safe, truly seen, and deeply valued, we begin to move from a place of authenticity rather than expectation. And in that, we find not just change, but wholeness.

Much Love,

Anabel

x

For more information on coaching as a space for presence, I highly recommend this podcast interview with Aboodi Shabi on The Association for Coaching Podcast.

If you feel you would benefit from a coaching relationship like this, feel free to contact me to chat about the services I offer.

A few months ago, I found myself at a Switchfoot gig in Birmingham, utterly captivated by the lyrics of Jon Foreman. As he sang, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” I was struck by the simplicity and profundity of the question. In that moment, the music faded into the background as my thoughts took centre stage. I asked myself: Am I heading where I want to go? What am I doing to get there? This reflection on personal identity didn’t stop there. My mind wandered to identity in relationships. Who are we in our relationships? Are we showing up as our authentic selves? Or do we mask parts of who we are to protect our partner’s feelings, avoid conflict, or simply “keep the peace”?

Losing Ourselves in Relationships

I’ve experienced it first-hand: losing touch with my identity in previous relationships. The very qualities that initially drew a partner to me—my playfulness, my childlike joy—became points of contention.

I remember the pain of shelving parts of myself because my “baby voice” or curious nature became “annoying.” Over time, I said goodbye to the playful, inquisitive version of myself. That loss left me questioning: What else had I hidden, stifled, or suppressed? And most importantly, why?

The answer is often complex. It’s not just about the dynamics of a relationship; it’s about systemic influences, societal expectations, and our fears of rejection or conflict. These factors intertwine, leading us to compromise pieces of who we are. Sometimes, we don’t notice it until the relationship ends, and we’re left wondering: Who am I now?

Signs You Might Be Losing Yourself

It’s not always obvious when you’re losing touch with your authentic self, but there are signs:

  • Emotional distance: You feel disconnected from your partner or yourself.
  • Walking on eggshells: You’re constantly trying to avoid upsetting your partner.
  • Altered behaviour: You act differently with friends compared to your partner.
  • A sense of emptiness: You feel like something is missing but can’t pinpoint what.

These are signals to pause and reflect on your identity and your role in the relationship.

How to Reclaim and Protect Your Authenticity

  1. Cultivate Self-Awareness: Reflect on your core values and ask yourself: What truly matters to me? Journaling or working with a coach can help unpack changes in your identity.
  2. Engage in Regular Self-Reflection: Create a habit of checking in with yourself. What’s changed for me recently? Am I compromising too much? This practice fosters a deeper connection to your inner self.
  3. Address Systemic Stifling of Voice: Society and upbringing often teach us to “fit in” rather than stand out. Challenge these norms and reclaim your voice. Ask: Where did I learn to suppress this part of myself, and how can I unlearn it?
  4. Navigate Partners’ Reactions: If your partner finds your best traits “annoying,” communicate openly. Share how these traits define you and how their acceptance can strengthen your bond. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual understanding and compromise.

Authenticity: The Key to Flourishing Relationships

Authenticity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the foundation of sustainable, fulfilling relationships. When we lose ourselves, the connection falters. But when we show up as our whole selves, flaws and all, we create space for genuine intimacy.

Reflect on your own relationships: Are you being true to yourself? Are you living the life you want, not just in your career or personal goals, but in how you show up with your partner?

For me, the Switchfoot gig was a wake-up call. I’ve promised myself to honour my curiosity, my playfulness, and my childlike joy—no matter what. And I challenge you to do the same. After all, this is your life. Are you who you want to be?

Much Love,

Anabel x

"This is your life - Switchfoot" Lyrics

If you enjoy reading academic literature. Here is an article on authenticity in romantic relationships and its impact on relationship outcomes.

Coaching can help you stay authentic in your relationships. If you would like to work with me, you can contact me here.

Communication in relationships can make or break the connection between partners. From feeling heard to addressing conflicts, the way we communicate directly impacts our satisfaction. But why is communication so important, and how can we make it work better for us? Let’s explore the research and practical tips for enhancing communication in relationships.

Why Communication Matters

Research consistently highlights the positive link between communication in relationships and overall satisfaction. Studies reveal that effective communication—whether it's discussing day-to-day events or diving into deeper, more intimate topics—builds trust, reduces misunderstandings, and fosters emotional closeness.

The Role of Sexual Communication

Sexual communication deserves special mention. Openly discussing needs, desires, and boundaries can greatly enhance sexual satisfaction, which, in turn, contributes to overall relationship happiness. According to Montesi et al. (2011), couples who communicate openly about their sexual needs report greater sexual satisfaction. More recently, my own research supports this notion.

Positive Communication Styles

The absence of negative communication styles—such as criticism or stonewalling—plays a vital role in relationship satisfaction (Armenta Hurtarte & Díaz-Loving, 2008). Meanwhile, positive traits like perspective-taking and self-disclosure strengthen bonds and improve mutual understanding (Meeks et al., 1998).

It's Not Always Straightforward

Despite these findings, the connection between communication and relationship satisfaction isn’t always clear-cut. Research by Lavner et al. (2016) shows that while happy couples communicate well, there isn’t always a strong cause-and-effect relationship. In other words, while good communication is crucial, other factors like individual wellbeing, external stressors, and shared values also play significant roles.

Tips to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

  1. Ask Better Questions Swap generic questions like “How was your day?” for open-ended prompts such as “What’s something that made you smile today?” These invite deeper conversations.
  2. Use Empathy Instead of jumping to solutions, ask your partner, “How can I support you right now?” This shows you’re present and invested in their feelings.
  3. Maintain a Positive Ratio Remember the “5-to-1 rule”—it takes five positive comments to counteract one negative remark. Keep this in mind to create a more uplifting dialogue.
  4. Set Boundaries Boundaries get a bad reputation, but they’re essential for healthy communication. Clearly expressing your limits helps both partners understand how to meet each other’s needs.
  5. Pick the Right Moment Timing matters. Avoid bringing up sensitive topics when your partner is hungry, stressed, or distracted. Instead, choose moments when both of you can engage fully.

Building Trust Through Communication

Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship, and communication is its foundation. Small acts like keeping promises, showing appreciation, and being consistent build trust over time. However, trust is fragile and requires constant care. If broken, honest conversations and a commitment to repair are essential.

Compassion is Key

Compassionate communication—think of it as a warm, cosy blanket for your relationship—can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth. By actively listening and validating your partner’s feelings, you create a safe space for honest dialogue.

Conclusion

Improving communication in relationships takes effort, but the rewards are worth it. Whether it’s expressing appreciation, setting boundaries, or simply choosing the right moment to talk, small changes can lead to big improvements in satisfaction.

Ready to dive deeper into enhancing your relationship? Check out my other blogs , coaching services and workshops designed to help you build stronger, happier connections. Let’s create a world where better communication leads to better relationships.

And, if you would like to delve deeper into the research outlined, you can click on the citations in the blog to read the full articles. 

Much Love,

Anabel x

When you hear the words couples therapy, you might picture two people sitting across from a therapist, diving into their latest conflict, hoping to find common ground. But what happens when your love life doesn’t come in a neat, two-person package? What if your relationship includes more than just two hearts in the mix—or none at all, for those living their best solo poly lives?

And while we’re here, what if therapy isn’t the solution you need? Maybe you’re looking for something more forward-focused, dynamic, and tailored to your unique connection(s). That’s where coaching steps in, challenging the old-school idea of “fixing couples” and making room for every kind of love story.

Let’s explore why the words “couples therapy” deserve a refresh, and why coaching might just be the modern alternative you didn’t know you needed.


Why the Word "Couples" Doesn’t Cut It

“Couples” is a term so ingrained in our vocabulary that we rarely stop to question it. It’s cozy, convenient, and rolls off the tongue—but it’s also limiting. Here’s why:

  • Assumes Two Is the Magic Number: For those practising ethical non-monogamy (ENM), polyamory, or relationship anarchy, love often exists beyond a two-person dynamic. The word “couple” excludes triads, polycules, and solo poly individuals who prioritise autonomy over traditional pairings.
  • Reinforces Relationship Norms: By centering the idea of two, it subtly suggests that anything outside of a couple is “less than” or in need of explanation. Spoiler: it’s not.
  • Language Shapes Thinking: Words matter. Using “couples” as a catch-all erases the diversity of modern relationships and can make those who don’t fit the mold feel unseen.

Therapy vs. Coaching: What’s the Difference?

Therapy and coaching both aim to support relationships, but they go about it in different ways. While therapy often focuses on healing the past, coaching takes a forward-thinking approach. It’s about building skills, strengthening communication, and navigating the complexities of love with confidence.

Here’s how coaching shines:

  • Focus on Growth: Coaching isn’t about diagnosing or fixing. It’s about helping you and your partner(s) grow into the best versions of yourselves.
  • Flexibility for All Dynamics: Whether you’re a throuple figuring out schedules or a solo poly individual navigating multiple connections, coaching adapts to your needs.
  • Tools for the Future: While therapy often explores “why,” coaching is about “what now?” It’s practical, actionable, and ready to meet you where you are.

Why Coaching Is a Game-Changer

Coaching isn’t just therapy-lite—it’s a different ballgame altogether. Here’s why it’s perfect for modern relationships:

It Goes Beyond the Couch

Forget the image of sitting on a couch in a neutral-toned office. Coaching sessions can happen online, in a coffee shop, or even during a walk in the park. It’s designed to fit into your life, not the other way around.

Tailored to Your Dynamic

From polycules to platonic partnerships, coaching isn’t bound by traditional definitions of a relationship. It’s about helping your unique connection thrive—whether that means resolving conflict, enhancing communication, or simply figuring out how to make Google Calendar work for six people.

It Builds Skills, Not Just Fixes Problems

Coaching isn’t only for relationships in crisis. It’s a proactive way to deepen intimacy, foster understanding, and ensure your relationships grow with intention. Think of it as a love-life upgrade.


Relationships Aren’t One-Size-Fits-All

Let’s face it: the traditional model of couples therapy doesn’t work for everyone. Modern relationships are as diverse as the people in them, and they deserve support that meets them where they are—not where society expects them to be.

Coaching offers a flexible, inclusive alternative that values your unique dynamic and focuses on building the future you want. Whether you’re in a pair, a polycule, or thriving as a solo poly individual, the right support can help your relationship(s) flourish.


Ready to Rethink Relationships?

If you’ve been searching for support that goes beyond the binary, coaching might be just what you’re looking for. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about helping you grow, together or apart. Curious to learn more? Let’s start the conversation here.

Much Love,

Anabel x

Talking about sex can often feel like one of the most vulnerable aspects of any relationship. But beneath the discomfort of discussing desires and boundaries lies something much larger: the deep-seated influence of traditional sexual scripts. These cultural and societal narratives shape how we view ourselves and our partners, and they can perpetuate patterns that hinder open, honest sexual communication.

I know this first hand. Recently, I delivered a webinar on sexual communication, and despite my research and advocacy around breaking the silence, I still felt the weight of societal expectations. My heart raced, my mouth dried, and I found myself questioning my role in discussing sex, especially considering how sex has been framed in our society—often with shame or silence attached.

If I, as a researcher and sexually liberated person, felt this pressure, imagine how it must feel for those who are navigating these conversations in intimate relationships under the heavy influence of traditional sexual scripts.

The Impact of Traditional Sexual Scripts on Sexual Communication

In many societies, sexual roles are scripted, and these scripts can influence how individuals communicate about sex, both with themselves and with their partners. Traditional sexual scripts—which often define roles based on gender, sexual orientation, and expectations—can limit the depth of sexual communication, creating barriers to understanding, vulnerability, and satisfaction.

These scripts are learned early in life and reinforced through media, culture, and even family dynamics. They shape how we view intimacy, sexual desire, and gender roles in our relationships. As a result, sexual communication becomes laden with unspoken assumptions that may not reflect our true needs or desires.

How These Scripts Play Out

  • Gendered Expectations: In many cultures, women are socialised to be passive in sexual encounters, while men are encouraged to be assertive. This can create power imbalances in sexual relationships, making it difficult to communicate needs openly and equally.
  • Heteronormative Bias: Traditional sexual scripts often assume heterosexual, cisgender dynamics, which can marginalise non-heterosexual and non-binary identities, making sexual communication more complex or silenced.
  • The 'Performance' of Sex: The expectation that sex should be a flawless, passionate experience can cause anxiety, making it hard for individuals to express discomfort or need for change.

Why These Scripts Make Communication Difficult

The fear of deviating from traditional sexual scripts leads to self-censorship and silence, which perpetuates a cycle of unmet needs and emotional disconnection. These scripts create a false sense of “how things should be,” making it hard for partners to have authentic conversations about what they truly want or need in their sexual lives.

When we don’t question or critically engage with these norms, we perpetuate the societal idea that sex is taboo or should be treated as something sacred, separate, or shameful. But in reality, sexual communication in relationships is essential to ensuring emotional health, respect, and true intimacy.

The Broader Consequences of Silence

When we continue to adhere to these traditional sexual scripts and avoid communication, the consequences go beyond individual relationships. On a societal level, this lack of open dialogue can contribute to:

  • Reinforced Gender Inequalities: By limiting sexual expression to rigid roles, both men and women may feel pressured to conform to stereotypes, leading to dissatisfaction and power imbalances.
  • Marginalisation of Diverse Identities: The lack of space for non-heteronormative or non-binary individuals to openly express their sexual needs reinforces a culture of exclusion and invisibility.
  • Perpetuating Shame and Stigma: When sexual communication is silenced, shame and stigma around sex can thrive, contributing to harmful cycles of guilt, secrecy, and negative self-image.

Breaking the Silence: Moving Beyond Traditional Sexual Scripts

While systemic change around sexual communication is necessary, there are small but impactful ways we can begin to shift these norms in our personal relationships. These changes, over time, can have a ripple effect, challenging cultural assumptions about sex and empowering individuals to speak their truths.

1. Cultivate Self-Awareness of Traditional Sexual Scripts

Before engaging in sexual communication with a partner, it’s crucial to understand how traditional sexual scripts have influenced your own beliefs about sex. For many of us, these scripts are so ingrained that we don’t even question them. To break the silence, we first need to examine how these societal narratives have shaped our sexual identities and communication styles.

Action Steps:

  • Reflect on how your upbringing, media portrayals, or cultural expectations have influenced your sexual identity and communication.
  • Ask yourself: How have these scripts impacted the way I express my needs and desires?
  • Engage in learning through books, workshops, or coaching to unpack these ingrained norms.

2. Embrace Collective Vulnerability

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Vulnerability in relationships can be a shared experience, where both partners work together to break down the walls built by societal expectations. It’s not just about speaking for yourself but creating a space where both individuals can challenge societal norms together.

Start by sharing:

  • “I’ve been reflecting on how societal pressures around sex have influenced how I communicate my needs. I’d like to explore this with you.”
  • “Sometimes I feel like we’re not talking about what truly matters in our intimacy, and I want to change that.”

3. Shift from ‘Performance’ to Connection

Instead of focusing on a perfect sexual experience, shift the focus to connection and mutual understanding. Let go of the belief that sex has to be flawless or fit into a particular script. This reframing allows space for authentic conversations about desires, boundaries, and how to make intimacy a shared, fulfilling experience.

Action Steps:

  • Reframe intimacy as a space for connection, rather than performance.
  • Invite open dialogue about what feels good and what feels right, moving beyond the expectation of sexual perfection.

4. Challenge Cultural and Societal Norms Together

Changing how we communicate about sex requires challenging larger cultural and societal norms. While this might feel like an overwhelming task, the power lies in everyday actions—like being open with partners, advocating for sex-positive spaces, and supporting inclusive dialogue in your communities.

Engage in conversations with friends, communities, and organisations that challenge traditional sexual scripts and advocate for more inclusive, open dialogue.

Why It’s Worth It: A More Inclusive Future

When we embrace sexual communication and question traditional sexual scripts, we create not only better relationships but also a more inclusive, sex-positive society. These conversations help us dismantle harmful norms and open up new avenues for connection, intimacy, and mutual respect. Breaking the silence is about more than improving individual relationships—it’s about creating a culture where everyone can express their needs, desires, and boundaries without fear of judgement or exclusion.

Take the First Step: Engage in Systemic Change Through Communication

The journey to changing sexual communication begins with self-awareness, vulnerability, and collective action. By addressing and deconstructing traditional sexual scripts, we can shift the cultural conversation about sex and intimacy, fostering deeper connections and more equitable relationships.

Remember, each step you take towards better sexual communication not only strengthens your own relationships but also contributes to a larger cultural shift towards more open, inclusive, and authentic conversations about sex.

Further Reading

If you would like to delve deeper into the research on sexual scripts, here is an original article by the founders of sexual script theory William Simon and John Gagnon.

I also recently published an article for Kiss & Tell Magazine on the same topic, which can be found here.

Anabel x

Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.

The Struggle is Real

We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.

It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?

Start with Yourself: Practicing love as a verb

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:

1. Be Kind to Yourself

How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.

2. Engage in Joyful Activities

What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.

Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.

3. Reflect on What Matters

Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.

Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.

The Ripple Effect of Self-Care

When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.

By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.

Love as a verb towards others - practicing intentional loving

Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.

When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.

Conclusion

It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.

Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.

If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.

And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.

Much Love,

Anabel

As a relationship and communication coach, I often find myself reflecting on the myriad ways we can deepen our connections with those we care about. One aspect that frequently emerges in my discussions with clients is the importance of playfulness in romantic relationships. It’s fascinating to delve into the evidence supporting this concept and explore how a playful approach can enhance our relationships in delightful and meaningful ways.

The Evidence Behind Playfulness

Research has shown that playfulness in romantic relationships can lead to increased satisfaction and intimacy. Playful interactions often help partners navigate conflicts more effectively and foster a sense of safety and trust. When we embrace playfulness, we invite joy and laughter into our lives, making our relationships more vibrant.

Why Playfulness Matters

Playfulness serves as a vital ingredient in relationship dynamics for several reasons:

  1. Creating Joyful Moments: Playfulness creates an atmosphere of joy, allowing partners to bond and experience shared laughter. Imagine spending a rainy afternoon indoors, creating a makeshift fort with blankets and pillows, reminiscing about childhood adventures. These moments can strengthen your connection and foster a sense of togetherness.
  2. Easing Tension: When tensions arise, incorporating playful exchanges can create a more relaxed atmosphere and help re-establish connection. Gentle humour or light-hearted moments can act as a valuable tool to ease discomfort and shift the focus from conflict to camaraderie. For example, if you find yourselves in a disagreement, sharing a light-hearted memory or inside joke can provide a brief respite. However, it’s crucial to ensure that this playfulness doesn't overshadow the need for honest communication. After lightening the mood, take the time to address the underlying issues, ensuring that both partners feel heard, understood, and validated. By using playfulness to foster connection, you create a safe space for meaningful dialogue about each other’s needs.
  3. Encouraging Creativity: Playfulness encourages creativity and spontaneity, essential components for keeping the spark alive. Why not take turns surprising each other with spontaneous date ideas? You could plan a surprise picnic in the park or a visit to a quirky local museum. These adventures can invite discovery and excitement into your relationship.

The OLIW Model of Playfulness

To better understand how we can embrace playfulness in our relationships, I want to introduce you to Proyer’s OLIW model, which describes four facets of playfulness:

  1. Other-directed: This facet involves using playfulness to reduce social tension and enhance connections with others. For example, if you're out with friends and notice someone feeling left out, cracking a light-hearted joke can ease their discomfort and help everyone feel more included. In relationships, this type of playfulness can foster empathy and understanding, making it easier to navigate challenging conversations.
  2. Lighthearted: Seeing life as a game rather than a battlefield encourages a playful perspective on everyday situations. Picture yourself and your partner tackling a home improvement project together. Instead of getting frustrated with mishaps, you could turn it into a playful competition: who can complete their task the quickest while sporting a silly hat? Approaching challenges with a light-hearted attitude allows you to enjoy the process together.
  3. Intellectual: This facet is characterised by a desire to play with ideas, concepts, and theories. Engage in playful discussions about hypothetical scenarios—like what superpower you’d choose and why. These kinds of exchanges stimulate your minds and create deeper connections as you explore each other's thoughts and dreams.
  4. Whimsical: Embracing unusual activities and spontaneous adventures defines this facet. Why not take a day trip to an eccentric nearby town or try out a quirky new hobby together, like pottery or aerial yoga? These adventures inject excitement and novelty into your relationship, allowing you to share unique experiences that strengthen your bond.

Understanding these facets of playfulness can help partners identify what resonates with them and how they might incorporate it into their interactions.

Increasing Playfulness in Your Relationship

If you’re eager to bring more playfulness into your relationship but feel unsure where to start—or perhaps you find the idea of being playful a bit daunting—don’t worry! Here are some joyful suggestions that can help:

  1. Start Small: Introduce playful elements gradually. Share a silly meme or engage in a light-hearted debate about which superhero would win in a battle. Building up to more involved play can help ease any initial discomfort while bringing smiles to your faces.
  2. Create a Playful Environment: Surround yourselves with reminders to have fun. This could be as simple as keeping a board game handy or setting up a designated “play area” in your home where you can relax and engage in playful activities. Adding colourful decorations or fun cushions can create an inviting space.
  3. Be Open to Feedback: When attempting playful interactions, pay attention to your partner’s responses. If they seem receptive, continue exploring that type of play. If they appear uncomfortable, respect their feelings and adjust accordingly. Open communication can enhance the fun and create shared enjoyment.
  4. Utilise Shared Interests: Find activities you both enjoy, whether it's cooking together, playing a game, or engaging in sports. For instance, you could organise a cooking night where you each take turns selecting a recipe from different cultures. This not only makes the experience enjoyable but also reinforces your bond through shared interests.
  5. Try New Things Together: Step out of your comfort zone by trying activities neither of you has done before. This could be taking a dance class, going to an improv show, or even attending a workshop that encourages creativity. Shared experiences can lead to moments of laughter and connection, creating cherished memories.
  6. Communicate Openly: If you struggle with being playful, communicate that with your partner. Discuss your feelings and let them know what type of play you’re comfortable with. This transparency can foster understanding and lead to more meaningful interactions.

It’s essential to remember that playfulness is not a one-size-fits-all concept. What feels playful to one person may seem silly or uncomfortable to another. It’s crucial to be empathetic towards yourself and your partner as you explore this aspect of your relationship. Allowing space for discomfort can lead to growth and deeper understanding.

Conclusion

Incorporating playfulness into romantic relationships can be a powerful tool for fostering connection and enhancing relationship satisfaction. By understanding the different facets of play and exploring ways to integrate them into our lives, we can create more joyful and resilient partnerships. Let’s embrace the potential of play and enrich our experiences together, knowing that laughter and connection can transform our relationships in the most delightful ways.

Further Reading about Playfulness in Relationships:

If you are interested in reading more about Playfulness in Relationships I fully recommend the following articles:

  1. Proyer, R. T. (2017). A new structural model for the study of adult playfulness: Assessment and exploration of an understudied individual differences variable. Personality and Individual Differences, 108, 113–122. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2016.12.011
  2. Brauer, K., Sendatzki, R., Scherrer, T., Chick, G., & Proyer, R. T. (2023). Revisiting adult playfulness and relationship satisfaction: APIM analyses of middle-aged and older couples. International Journal of Applied Positive Psychology, 8, 227-255. DOI: 10.1007/s41042-021-00058-8

Working with a coach can also help bring more playfulness to your relationships. If you would like to give it a try, you can contact me here.

Anabel x

Introduction: Is It Time to Consider a Relationship Coach?

Hey, you—yes, you! Have you been thinking, “Maybe I need some help with my relationship, perhaps a relationship coach could help” but you’re not sure where to start? Well, you’re not alone. We all go through tough times in our relationships—whether it’s struggles with communication, feeling emotionally distant, or just the day-to-day stress of life getting in the way.

As a relationship and sexual communication coach, I’ve worked with many people who felt like things weren’t going well but didn’t know how to fix it. That’s where relationship coaching comes in. It’s not just for those in relationships on the brink of breaking up. In fact, getting coaching early can save your relationship from falling into patterns that make it harder to fix later.

If you’re wondering whether it’s time to talk to a coach, here are five signs to help you decide.


1. Communication Feels Like an Endless Struggle

Let's be real—how many times have you had a conversation with your partner, only for it to end with one (or both) of you feeling unheard or misunderstood? If this sounds familiar, you're definitely not alone. Communication is one of the top reasons people come to me for coaching. We all have our unique communication styles, but when it feels like you’re speaking different languages, it can create a lot of tension.

What can a relationship coach do?
A coach will help you both understand how to speak the same "relationship language." It’s not just about listening—it’s about hearing. Together, we'll uncover how to really listen to each other, so you both feel understood. That’s the key to resolving conflicts, big or small.

Question to think about: How often do you feel like your partner actually hears what you're saying—without getting defensive?


2. Intimacy Feels More Like a Distant Memory Than a Daily Connection

You know those moments when you think, "When was the last time we really connected?" Intimacy isn’t just about sex (though, yes, that’s part of it)—it’s about emotional closeness and feeling like your partner gets you. If you're feeling like that spark is fading or your emotional intimacy is non-existent, it might be time to talk to someone.

What can a relationship coach do?
A relationship coach can help reignite that emotional and physical connection, helping you both explore ways to rebuild closeness. I use a range of tools from Positive Psychology and Coaching Psychology to rediscover the joy in your relationship and get back to a place where intimacy feels natural, not forced.

Question to think about: When was the last time you shared a quiet, meaningful moment with your partner, without distractions?


3. Arguments That Never Seem to End

Arguing isn’t the problem—it’s how we argue. If you’re finding that the same disagreements keep cropping up, unresolved and lingering, it’s a sign that deeper issues might be going unaddressed. Over time, this can chip away at your connection, causing frustration to pile up. A healthy argument should lead to understanding and growth, not resentment.

What can a relationship coach do?
Together we will explore how to argue constructively while connecting. It’s about making sure you both feel heard and understood—even in moments of tension. A relationship coach can offer tools for navigating conflict without the fallout, creating a stronger connection through resolution.

Question to think about: Do you feel like you’re resolving your issues or just sweeping them under the rug?


4. Feeling More Like Roommates Than Partners

Have you noticed that you’re sharing space but not much else? Feeling emotionally and physically distant from your partner can make it seem like you’re just roommates with benefits instead of partners. That disconnect can leave both people feeling isolated and even lonely, even when you're together.

What can a relationship coach do?
Coaching is all about helping you get back to the roots of your connection—emotionally, physically, and mentally. Together, we’ll explore the reasons behind the distance and help you reconnect, reigniting that partnership you once had.

Question to think about: Are you and your partner really present with each other, or are you just going through the motions?


5. Big Life Changes Are Shaking Things Up

Whether it’s moving, changing jobs, or dealing with a big family shift, life changes can put huge strain on your relationship. It's easy to get caught up in the chaos of life and forget that your relationship needs attention too. Often, these changes expose cracks that were already there—only now, they’re more obvious.

What can a relationship coach do?
A relationship coach can help you navigate these changes together. By understanding how these external pressures affect your relationship, we can develop strategies that make you feel more connected and resilient as a team. You won’t just get through it—you’ll come out stronger.

Question to think about: How well do you and your partner adapt to changes together, and what could you improve?


Why Seeking a Relationship Coach Early Can Make All the Difference

Here’s the thing: a lot of people wait until their relationship is in crisis before seeking professional help. But the earlier you address small issues, the easier it is to turn things around. A relationship coach isn’t just for “fixing” a failing relationship—it’s about helping you both thrive and grow together.

You deserve a relationship where you feel heard, understood, and deeply connected. If these five signs hit home, it might be time to consider professional coaching before the little issues become big problems.


Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship?

If you’re seeing yourself in any of these signs, don’t wait until things get worse. Book a consultation with me, and let’s explore how coaching can transform your relationship—starting today.

Click here to book your free discovery call


Further Reading

Want to dive deeper into relationship dynamics? I highly recommend "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman. His research-backed insights are perfect for those in relationships looking to strengthen their bond before things get rocky.

When it comes to navigating the complexities of relationships—whether romantic, familial, or professional—many people seek external help. However, the options available can be confusing. Should you see a therapist, work with a coach, or seek out a mentor? While these approaches share some similarities, they are distinct in their methods, goals, and ethical implications. Understanding these differences can help you choose the right type of support for your needs.

What is the difference between working with a coach, a therapist or a mentor?

Therapy is often the first choice for individuals or those in relationships experiencing difficulties. It focuses on exploring past experiences and emotional patterns to uncover underlying issues, making it particularly effective for dealing with trauma, anxiety, depression, or other psychological challenges that impact relationships.

Mentoring offers guidance from someone who has walked a similar path, sharing personal experiences and advice. This approach is beneficial in contexts where learning from someone who has "been there" can accelerate growth, such as in professional or career development. However, mentoring is less structured and not designed to address the deeper emotional complexities of relationships.

Relationship Coaching is distinct with a unique, forward-focused, and exploratory approach. Unlike therapy, which delves into past traumas, coaching centres on current situations and future aspirations. Coaches work in partnership with individuals or those in relationships to explore their strengths, raise awareness of unconscious blocks, and create actionable steps toward desired outcomes. It’s about growth, possibility, and self-discovery rather than problem-solving or advice-giving.

Ethical Considerations: When to Choose Which

The choice between a coach, a therapist and a mentor should be guided by the specific needs and circumstances of the individual or relationship:

  • Therapy is best suited for addressing underlying mental health issues. Ethical therapists provide a safe space to heal and manage psychological conditions, focusing on past experiences that affect present relationships.
  • Mentoring is ideal when you seek career or life guidance from someone with relevant experience. However, it’s important to recognise that mentors are not equipped to handle psychological issues.
  • Coaching is most effective for personal or relational growth, particularly when the focus is on exploring possibilities, setting aspirations, and building on existing strengths. Coaches facilitate a client-driven process within a supportive, non-judgemental environment.

The Unique Benefits of Relationship Coaching

Relationship coaching offers distinct advantages, particularly for those looking to move forward and enhance their relationships. Unlike therapy’s past-focused approach, coaching is about future aspirations and current strengths. It empowers individuals to take control of their relationship’s direction and to explore new possibilities.

Key benefits include:

  • Strengths-Based Focus: Coaching helps you identify and build on what’s working well in your relationship, fostering a proactive, empowering mindset.
  • Exploratory and Aspirational: Coaching isn’t just about solving problems; it’s about exploring new avenues, raising awareness of unconscious dynamics, and achieving personal and relational aspirations.
  • Collaborative Partnership: Coaching emphasises partnership, working together to create solutions that align with your values and goals. It also acknowledges that not all issues require fixing—sometimes, increased awareness and understanding are sufficient to bring about positive change.

Who Can Benefit from Relationship Coaching?

Relationship coaching is particularly beneficial for individuals or those in relationships who:

  • Are generally emotionally healthy but wish to enhance their connections with others.
  • Want to achieve aspirations such as feeling more seen, heard, and understood; navigating conflict with greater ease; enhancing intimacy; or gaining the confidence to express their needs, knowing that their partner will be more receptive to hearing them.
  • Seek increased validation and emotional safety within their relationship.
  • Feel stuck in certain areas but are not facing serious mental health issues.
  • Desire to explore unconscious blocks or deepen their self-awareness within their relationships.

While therapy remains the best option for those dealing with trauma or mental health disorders, coaching provides a dynamic alternative for those looking to build on their strengths and explore new relational possibilities.

Raising Awareness: Coaching as a Valuable Resource

Despite its many benefits, relationship coaching is often overlooked in favour of therapy. However, coaching is a proactive choice for those seeking to grow and enhance their relationships. It can be transformative, providing a supportive space where you are heard, valued, and empowered to be your best self.

If you’re curious about how coaching might benefit you, I invite you to book a chemistry call with me. As a certified relationship and communication coach, I can help you explore your strengths and aspirations, offering tailored support to create the relationship you desire. Whether you choose therapy, mentoring, or coaching, finding the right support is crucial. If you're ready to embark on this journey of self-discovery and relationship enhancement, coaching might be just what you need.

Anabel x

Introduction

Building a strong romantic relationship isn’t just about falling in love; it’s about staying in love. And staying in love doesn’t happen by accident. The secret ingredient? Intentionality in romantic relationships. This guide will show you how being intentional can make your relationship more meaningful, connected, and fulfilling. Let’s dive into practical ways to bring more purpose and attention to your love life.


Deliberate Relationships: Setting Clear Intentions

Intentionality in romantic relationships starts with setting clear intentions. Ask yourself, "What do I really want from this relationship?" Defining your values, goals, and priorities together with your partner aligns both of you and creates a solid foundation for growth. Setting intentions can be as simple as sharing your hopes or as in-depth as building a vision for the future together. Don’t forget to communicate openly about these intentions, creating a roadmap that strengthens your emotional bond.


Communicate Actively and Listen Deeply

Effective communication is a hallmark of intentionality in romantic relationships. But communication isn’t just about talking; it’s about actively listening. Truly listen to your partner without interruptions or judgement. When you make an effort to engage in meaningful conversations, you create a safe space for trust and respect. This mutual understanding is essential for a deeper connection.


Prioritise Quality Time Together

In a busy world, making time for each other is essential. Intentionality in romantic relationships means prioritising quality time. Schedule regular date nights, find activities you both love, and be present when you’re together—put away distractions. Quality time is about creating moments that strengthen your emotional bond and demonstrate your commitment to each other.


Show Love Through Small Acts of Kindness

A powerful way to practice intentionality in romantic relationships is through small acts of love and kindness. Surprise your partner with something thoughtful, leave a sweet note, or lend a listening ear when times are tough. These simple gestures go a long way in showing your affection, dedication, and support for each other.


Face Challenges Together

Every relationship has its challenges, but intentionality in romantic relationships means actively working through them as a team. Rather than avoiding difficult conversations, address them respectfully and with empathy. Work together to find solutions, compromise, and grow stronger. Tackling challenges head-on strengthens your bond and resilience as a couple.


Invest in Self-Care and Self-Reflection

Your relationship benefits when you care for yourself too. Intentionality in romantic relationships also includes self-reflection. Take time to understand your needs and emotions, so you can bring your best self to your relationship. Practicing self-care and setting personal boundaries allows you to show up in a healthy, positive way.


Conclusion: Make Intentionality Your Secret to a Lasting Relationship

Intentionality in romantic relationships is the secret ingredient to lasting love. From setting clear intentions to working through challenges together, being deliberate about your relationship actions leads to a deeper connection and fulfilment. Remember, love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a practice. Be intentional, and watch your relationship flourish.

If you need help to be more intentional in your relationships why not try coaching? You can contact me here.

Further Reading

Here is a blog from Psychology Today that offers 12 tips for Happy, Long Lasting Relationships based on Psychological research.

You can also check out my other blogs here for useful guidance on keeping your relationships healthy and fulfilling.

Anabel x

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