Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, I don’t know who I am anymore? Perhaps a relationship has ended, leaving you wondering who you are without them. Maybe you’ve spent years prioritising your family, friendships, or career, shaping yourself to fit the expectations of others, only to realise you never truly developed a sense of you. Or perhaps a major life change—a health scare, becoming a parent, or your children leaving home—has left you feeling unmoored, unsure of what you want, or even what you enjoy.
If this resonates, know that you’re not alone. So many of us lose our sense of self along the way. But here’s the good news: you can rediscover yourself, and coaching can help.
Life is full of transitions, and with each one, our sense of identity can shift. Sometimes, these shifts are welcome—we evolve, we grow. Other times, they leave us questioning everything.
In each of these situations, the core question remains: Who am I now?
Many of us fall into patterns of people-pleasing without even realising it. We prioritise keeping the peace, avoid rocking the boat, and shape-shift to fit into our relationships, friendships, or workplaces. But when we spend so much time adapting to others, we can forget who we are at our core.
Do you recognise yourself in this? Have you ever:
✅ Said "yes" to things you didn’t actually want to do, just to avoid conflict?
✅ Let your own interests fall by the wayside in favour of a partner’s, friend’s, or family member’s preferences?
✅ Felt uneasy making decisions alone because you’re not sure what you actually want?
If so, you’re not broken. You’ve just spent so much time tuning into others that you’ve lost touch with yourself. And that’s something we can work on together.
Rediscovery coaching is all about helping you reconnect with your authentic self—your values, your passions, your desires—so you can build a life that actually feels like yours.
As a rediscovery coach, I create a space for you to:
🔹 Explore what truly matters to you, beyond external expectations.
🔹 Identify interests and hobbies that bring you joy.
🔹 Clarify your personal values so you can make decisions with confidence.
🔹 Develop a sense of self that isn’t dependent on relationships or roles.
One of the biggest fears people have when they feel lost is that they’ll never figure it out. But rediscovering yourself isn’t about returning to who you were—it’s about embracing who you’re becoming.
It’s okay if your tastes, interests, and priorities have changed. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what excites you yet. This process is about exploration. And the more space you give yourself to be curious, the more you’ll uncover.
If you’re reading this and thinking, This is me, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone. Rediscovery coaching can help you navigate this transition with clarity, self-compassion, and excitement for what’s next.
Want to explore how coaching could support you? Learn more about rediscovery coaching here, or get in touch to book a free chat.
You deserve to feel like yourself again. And I’d love to help you get there.
Much Love,
Anabel x
A few months ago, I found myself at a Switchfoot gig in Birmingham, utterly captivated by the lyrics of Jon Foreman. As he sang, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” I was struck by the simplicity and profundity of the question. In that moment, the music faded into the background as my thoughts took centre stage. I asked myself: Am I heading where I want to go? What am I doing to get there? This reflection on personal identity didn’t stop there. My mind wandered to identity in relationships. Who are we in our relationships? Are we showing up as our authentic selves? Or do we mask parts of who we are to protect our partner’s feelings, avoid conflict, or simply “keep the peace”?
I’ve experienced it first-hand: losing touch with my identity in previous relationships. The very qualities that initially drew a partner to me—my playfulness, my childlike joy—became points of contention.
I remember the pain of shelving parts of myself because my “baby voice” or curious nature became “annoying.” Over time, I said goodbye to the playful, inquisitive version of myself. That loss left me questioning: What else had I hidden, stifled, or suppressed? And most importantly, why?
The answer is often complex. It’s not just about the dynamics of a relationship; it’s about systemic influences, societal expectations, and our fears of rejection or conflict. These factors intertwine, leading us to compromise pieces of who we are. Sometimes, we don’t notice it until the relationship ends, and we’re left wondering: Who am I now?
It’s not always obvious when you’re losing touch with your authentic self, but there are signs:
These are signals to pause and reflect on your identity and your role in the relationship.
Authenticity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the foundation of sustainable, fulfilling relationships. When we lose ourselves, the connection falters. But when we show up as our whole selves, flaws and all, we create space for genuine intimacy.
Reflect on your own relationships: Are you being true to yourself? Are you living the life you want, not just in your career or personal goals, but in how you show up with your partner?
For me, the Switchfoot gig was a wake-up call. I’ve promised myself to honour my curiosity, my playfulness, and my childlike joy—no matter what. And I challenge you to do the same. After all, this is your life. Are you who you want to be?
Much Love,
Anabel x
"This is your life - Switchfoot" Lyrics
If you enjoy reading academic literature. Here is an article on authenticity in romantic relationships and its impact on relationship outcomes.
Coaching can help you stay authentic in your relationships. If you would like to work with me, you can contact me here.
We often hear phrases like "Where there is pain, there is purpose," and "Where there are wounds, there is wisdom." However, these can feel dismissive to those of us who have experienced overwhelming trauma. Through my own healing process, I've realised that while such sentiments resonate with some, they may feel frustrating or even invalidating for others. Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG), the profound transformation that can arise from pain, has played a crucial role in my journey. Here, I’ll share how pain can lead to personal growth and how relationship coaching can support this process.
Trauma can seep into every aspect of life. In 2016, I found myself at my lowest point. My relationship was falling apart, my child was struggling with sleep, and the pressure of being a working mother weighed heavily on me. Bottling up my emotions, I pushed through, but I felt lost and numb.
It wasn’t until I reached out for help that I realised the importance of seeking support early. Despite all our efforts, my relationship with my son's father ended but this experience deepened my belief in the value of relationship coaching—I realised that relationship was no longer serving me positively and I felt positively about embracing a new me.
After the relationship breakdown, individual coaching became a lifeline. It allowed me to reconnect with myself, rediscover my passions, and embrace a mindset shift from despair to alignment. Coaching helped me redefine my identity as a woman, business owner, and mother. It was through this journey that I started to explore what truly mattered to me, including spirituality, mindfulness, and psychology.
Pain can be a catalyst for change. At my lowest point, I had to ask myself, "Is there more to life than this?" That was the moment I began my journey towards Post-Traumatic Growth. Instead of succumbing to despair, I chose to face my trauma head-on, recognising that pain could lead to profound transformation.
Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) refers to the personal development that can result from struggling with difficult life events. Unlike Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which often traps individuals in cycles of anxiety and depression, PTG offers a path to resilience and strength.
Research identifies several areas in which individuals can experience growth following trauma:
Studies by Tedeschi and Calhoun (2004) first conceptualised PTG, highlighting that individuals who experience growth report a shift in their worldview, fostering a greater sense of life meaning. Further research by Park (2010) indicates that actively engaging in meaning-making after trauma increases the likelihood of experiencing growth.
Relationship coaching played a pivotal role in PTG for me. It’s not just about resolving issues - some cannot be fixed! Coaching helped me foster a mindset shift, uncover strengths, and build resilience. Through relationship coaching, I developed robust social networks, cultivate gratitude, and practice self-compassion which served as protective factors to help face my trauma.
For me, coaching provided a safe space to process my feelings, reconnect with my identity, and redefine my personal and professional goals.
Have you experienced Post-Traumatic Growth? If so, share your story with me on social media or reach out here if you need support in the form of coaching.
Remember, while pain can lead to purpose, sometimes additional help is needed. If you are not experiencing growth from your trauma, it might be helpful for you to reach out for professional support from a qualified therapist, the NHS or a helpline like The Samaritans.
Anabel x