Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, I don’t know who I am anymore? Perhaps a relationship has ended, leaving you wondering who you are without them. Maybe you’ve spent years prioritising your family, friendships, or career, shaping yourself to fit the expectations of others, only to realise you never truly developed a sense of you. Or perhaps a major life change—a health scare, becoming a parent, or your children leaving home—has left you feeling unmoored, unsure of what you want, or even what you enjoy.
If this resonates, know that you’re not alone. So many of us lose our sense of self along the way. But here’s the good news: you can rediscover yourself, and coaching can help.
Life is full of transitions, and with each one, our sense of identity can shift. Sometimes, these shifts are welcome—we evolve, we grow. Other times, they leave us questioning everything.
In each of these situations, the core question remains: Who am I now?
Many of us fall into patterns of people-pleasing without even realising it. We prioritise keeping the peace, avoid rocking the boat, and shape-shift to fit into our relationships, friendships, or workplaces. But when we spend so much time adapting to others, we can forget who we are at our core.
Do you recognise yourself in this? Have you ever:
✅ Said "yes" to things you didn’t actually want to do, just to avoid conflict?
✅ Let your own interests fall by the wayside in favour of a partner’s, friend’s, or family member’s preferences?
✅ Felt uneasy making decisions alone because you’re not sure what you actually want?
If so, you’re not broken. You’ve just spent so much time tuning into others that you’ve lost touch with yourself. And that’s something we can work on together.
Rediscovery coaching is all about helping you reconnect with your authentic self—your values, your passions, your desires—so you can build a life that actually feels like yours.
As a rediscovery coach, I create a space for you to:
🔹 Explore what truly matters to you, beyond external expectations.
🔹 Identify interests and hobbies that bring you joy.
🔹 Clarify your personal values so you can make decisions with confidence.
🔹 Develop a sense of self that isn’t dependent on relationships or roles.
One of the biggest fears people have when they feel lost is that they’ll never figure it out. But rediscovering yourself isn’t about returning to who you were—it’s about embracing who you’re becoming.
It’s okay if your tastes, interests, and priorities have changed. It’s okay if you don’t know exactly what excites you yet. This process is about exploration. And the more space you give yourself to be curious, the more you’ll uncover.
If you’re reading this and thinking, This is me, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone. Rediscovery coaching can help you navigate this transition with clarity, self-compassion, and excitement for what’s next.
Want to explore how coaching could support you? Learn more about rediscovery coaching here, or get in touch to book a free chat.
You deserve to feel like yourself again. And I’d love to help you get there.
Much Love,
Anabel x
In a world that demands constant movement—towards achievement, productivity, and performance—coaching offers something radically different: a space to pause, to be, to feel truly held.
The coaching relationship is not just a transaction of strategies and solutions; it is an invitation. A sanctuary where you are met with presence, not pressure. A space where curiosity leads, rather than rigid goals. Where transformation unfolds through reflection, exploration, and the deep resonance of being seen, valued, and heard.
Coaching, at its heart, is relational. It is the co-creation of a space where you are not measured by your output but honoured for your being. Here, you are invited to lean into self-inquiry with compassion. To hold your experiences with gentle curiosity rather than self-judgment. To explore without expectation.
Through playfulness and curiosity, coaching becomes an adventure of possibility rather than a checklist of improvements. It allows for discovery without the burden of needing to be ‘better.’ This is not about fixing but about unfolding. Not about striving, but allowing.
So much of life is geared towards doing—towards achieving, proving, and progressing. But what if there was power in simply being? The coaching relationship reclaims this space. It is a place where presence matters more than performance, where connection matters more than correction.
Through deep listening, non-judgmental witnessing, and loving kindness, coaching offers a rare and necessary refuge. A space where you do not have to justify your feelings, where silence is not empty but full, and where your voice is met not with answers but with understanding.
True transformation does not arise from force but from presence. It is in being seen without condition that we soften, open, and grow. Coaching, in its purest form, is not about pushing forward but about deepening into self-awareness and self-trust. It is about allowing space for what is emerging rather than forcing what is next.
Loving kindness holds this process. It is the gentle force that nurtures change, not through pressure, but through profound acceptance. When we feel safe, truly seen, and deeply valued, we begin to move from a place of authenticity rather than expectation. And in that, we find not just change, but wholeness.
Much Love,
Anabel
x
For more information on coaching as a space for presence, I highly recommend this podcast interview with Aboodi Shabi on The Association for Coaching Podcast.
If you feel you would benefit from a coaching relationship like this, feel free to contact me to chat about the services I offer.
A few months ago, I found myself at a Switchfoot gig in Birmingham, utterly captivated by the lyrics of Jon Foreman. As he sang, “This is your life, are you who you want to be?” I was struck by the simplicity and profundity of the question. In that moment, the music faded into the background as my thoughts took centre stage. I asked myself: Am I heading where I want to go? What am I doing to get there? This reflection on personal identity didn’t stop there. My mind wandered to identity in relationships. Who are we in our relationships? Are we showing up as our authentic selves? Or do we mask parts of who we are to protect our partner’s feelings, avoid conflict, or simply “keep the peace”?
I’ve experienced it first-hand: losing touch with my identity in previous relationships. The very qualities that initially drew a partner to me—my playfulness, my childlike joy—became points of contention.
I remember the pain of shelving parts of myself because my “baby voice” or curious nature became “annoying.” Over time, I said goodbye to the playful, inquisitive version of myself. That loss left me questioning: What else had I hidden, stifled, or suppressed? And most importantly, why?
The answer is often complex. It’s not just about the dynamics of a relationship; it’s about systemic influences, societal expectations, and our fears of rejection or conflict. These factors intertwine, leading us to compromise pieces of who we are. Sometimes, we don’t notice it until the relationship ends, and we’re left wondering: Who am I now?
It’s not always obvious when you’re losing touch with your authentic self, but there are signs:
These are signals to pause and reflect on your identity and your role in the relationship.
Authenticity isn’t just a buzzword; it’s the foundation of sustainable, fulfilling relationships. When we lose ourselves, the connection falters. But when we show up as our whole selves, flaws and all, we create space for genuine intimacy.
Reflect on your own relationships: Are you being true to yourself? Are you living the life you want, not just in your career or personal goals, but in how you show up with your partner?
For me, the Switchfoot gig was a wake-up call. I’ve promised myself to honour my curiosity, my playfulness, and my childlike joy—no matter what. And I challenge you to do the same. After all, this is your life. Are you who you want to be?
Much Love,
Anabel x
"This is your life - Switchfoot" Lyrics
If you enjoy reading academic literature. Here is an article on authenticity in romantic relationships and its impact on relationship outcomes.
Coaching can help you stay authentic in your relationships. If you would like to work with me, you can contact me here.
Communication in relationships can make or break the connection between partners. From feeling heard to addressing conflicts, the way we communicate directly impacts our satisfaction. But why is communication so important, and how can we make it work better for us? Let’s explore the research and practical tips for enhancing communication in relationships.
Research consistently highlights the positive link between communication in relationships and overall satisfaction. Studies reveal that effective communication—whether it's discussing day-to-day events or diving into deeper, more intimate topics—builds trust, reduces misunderstandings, and fosters emotional closeness.
Sexual communication deserves special mention. Openly discussing needs, desires, and boundaries can greatly enhance sexual satisfaction, which, in turn, contributes to overall relationship happiness. According to Montesi et al. (2011), couples who communicate openly about their sexual needs report greater sexual satisfaction. More recently, my own research supports this notion.
The absence of negative communication styles—such as criticism or stonewalling—plays a vital role in relationship satisfaction (Armenta Hurtarte & Díaz-Loving, 2008). Meanwhile, positive traits like perspective-taking and self-disclosure strengthen bonds and improve mutual understanding (Meeks et al., 1998).
Despite these findings, the connection between communication and relationship satisfaction isn’t always clear-cut. Research by Lavner et al. (2016) shows that while happy couples communicate well, there isn’t always a strong cause-and-effect relationship. In other words, while good communication is crucial, other factors like individual wellbeing, external stressors, and shared values also play significant roles.
Trust is the backbone of any strong relationship, and communication is its foundation. Small acts like keeping promises, showing appreciation, and being consistent build trust over time. However, trust is fragile and requires constant care. If broken, honest conversations and a commitment to repair are essential.
Compassionate communication—think of it as a warm, cosy blanket for your relationship—can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth. By actively listening and validating your partner’s feelings, you create a safe space for honest dialogue.
Improving communication in relationships takes effort, but the rewards are worth it. Whether it’s expressing appreciation, setting boundaries, or simply choosing the right moment to talk, small changes can lead to big improvements in satisfaction.
Ready to dive deeper into enhancing your relationship? Check out my other blogs , coaching services and workshops designed to help you build stronger, happier connections. Let’s create a world where better communication leads to better relationships.
And, if you would like to delve deeper into the research outlined, you can click on the citations in the blog to read the full articles.
Much Love,
Anabel x
When you hear the words couples therapy, you might picture two people sitting across from a therapist, diving into their latest conflict, hoping to find common ground. But what happens when your love life doesn’t come in a neat, two-person package? What if your relationship includes more than just two hearts in the mix—or none at all, for those living their best solo poly lives?
And while we’re here, what if therapy isn’t the solution you need? Maybe you’re looking for something more forward-focused, dynamic, and tailored to your unique connection(s). That’s where coaching steps in, challenging the old-school idea of “fixing couples” and making room for every kind of love story.
Let’s explore why the words “couples therapy” deserve a refresh, and why coaching might just be the modern alternative you didn’t know you needed.
“Couples” is a term so ingrained in our vocabulary that we rarely stop to question it. It’s cozy, convenient, and rolls off the tongue—but it’s also limiting. Here’s why:
Therapy and coaching both aim to support relationships, but they go about it in different ways. While therapy often focuses on healing the past, coaching takes a forward-thinking approach. It’s about building skills, strengthening communication, and navigating the complexities of love with confidence.
Here’s how coaching shines:
Coaching isn’t just therapy-lite—it’s a different ballgame altogether. Here’s why it’s perfect for modern relationships:
Forget the image of sitting on a couch in a neutral-toned office. Coaching sessions can happen online, in a coffee shop, or even during a walk in the park. It’s designed to fit into your life, not the other way around.
From polycules to platonic partnerships, coaching isn’t bound by traditional definitions of a relationship. It’s about helping your unique connection thrive—whether that means resolving conflict, enhancing communication, or simply figuring out how to make Google Calendar work for six people.
Coaching isn’t only for relationships in crisis. It’s a proactive way to deepen intimacy, foster understanding, and ensure your relationships grow with intention. Think of it as a love-life upgrade.
Let’s face it: the traditional model of couples therapy doesn’t work for everyone. Modern relationships are as diverse as the people in them, and they deserve support that meets them where they are—not where society expects them to be.
Coaching offers a flexible, inclusive alternative that values your unique dynamic and focuses on building the future you want. Whether you’re in a pair, a polycule, or thriving as a solo poly individual, the right support can help your relationship(s) flourish.
If you’ve been searching for support that goes beyond the binary, coaching might be just what you’re looking for. It’s not about fixing you—it’s about helping you grow, together or apart. Curious to learn more? Let’s start the conversation here.
Much Love,
Anabel x
Talking about sex can often feel like one of the most vulnerable aspects of any relationship. But beneath the discomfort of discussing desires and boundaries lies something much larger: the deep-seated influence of traditional sexual scripts. These cultural and societal narratives shape how we view ourselves and our partners, and they can perpetuate patterns that hinder open, honest sexual communication.
I know this first hand. Recently, I delivered a webinar on sexual communication, and despite my research and advocacy around breaking the silence, I still felt the weight of societal expectations. My heart raced, my mouth dried, and I found myself questioning my role in discussing sex, especially considering how sex has been framed in our society—often with shame or silence attached.
If I, as a researcher and sexually liberated person, felt this pressure, imagine how it must feel for those who are navigating these conversations in intimate relationships under the heavy influence of traditional sexual scripts.
In many societies, sexual roles are scripted, and these scripts can influence how individuals communicate about sex, both with themselves and with their partners. Traditional sexual scripts—which often define roles based on gender, sexual orientation, and expectations—can limit the depth of sexual communication, creating barriers to understanding, vulnerability, and satisfaction.
These scripts are learned early in life and reinforced through media, culture, and even family dynamics. They shape how we view intimacy, sexual desire, and gender roles in our relationships. As a result, sexual communication becomes laden with unspoken assumptions that may not reflect our true needs or desires.
The fear of deviating from traditional sexual scripts leads to self-censorship and silence, which perpetuates a cycle of unmet needs and emotional disconnection. These scripts create a false sense of “how things should be,” making it hard for partners to have authentic conversations about what they truly want or need in their sexual lives.
When we don’t question or critically engage with these norms, we perpetuate the societal idea that sex is taboo or should be treated as something sacred, separate, or shameful. But in reality, sexual communication in relationships is essential to ensuring emotional health, respect, and true intimacy.
When we continue to adhere to these traditional sexual scripts and avoid communication, the consequences go beyond individual relationships. On a societal level, this lack of open dialogue can contribute to:
While systemic change around sexual communication is necessary, there are small but impactful ways we can begin to shift these norms in our personal relationships. These changes, over time, can have a ripple effect, challenging cultural assumptions about sex and empowering individuals to speak their truths.
Before engaging in sexual communication with a partner, it’s crucial to understand how traditional sexual scripts have influenced your own beliefs about sex. For many of us, these scripts are so ingrained that we don’t even question them. To break the silence, we first need to examine how these societal narratives have shaped our sexual identities and communication styles.
Action Steps:
Talking about sex doesn’t have to be a solitary journey. Vulnerability in relationships can be a shared experience, where both partners work together to break down the walls built by societal expectations. It’s not just about speaking for yourself but creating a space where both individuals can challenge societal norms together.
Start by sharing:
Instead of focusing on a perfect sexual experience, shift the focus to connection and mutual understanding. Let go of the belief that sex has to be flawless or fit into a particular script. This reframing allows space for authentic conversations about desires, boundaries, and how to make intimacy a shared, fulfilling experience.
Action Steps:
Changing how we communicate about sex requires challenging larger cultural and societal norms. While this might feel like an overwhelming task, the power lies in everyday actions—like being open with partners, advocating for sex-positive spaces, and supporting inclusive dialogue in your communities.
Engage in conversations with friends, communities, and organisations that challenge traditional sexual scripts and advocate for more inclusive, open dialogue.
When we embrace sexual communication and question traditional sexual scripts, we create not only better relationships but also a more inclusive, sex-positive society. These conversations help us dismantle harmful norms and open up new avenues for connection, intimacy, and mutual respect. Breaking the silence is about more than improving individual relationships—it’s about creating a culture where everyone can express their needs, desires, and boundaries without fear of judgement or exclusion.
The journey to changing sexual communication begins with self-awareness, vulnerability, and collective action. By addressing and deconstructing traditional sexual scripts, we can shift the cultural conversation about sex and intimacy, fostering deeper connections and more equitable relationships.
Remember, each step you take towards better sexual communication not only strengthens your own relationships but also contributes to a larger cultural shift towards more open, inclusive, and authentic conversations about sex.
Further Reading
If you would like to delve deeper into the research on sexual scripts, here is an original article by the founders of sexual script theory William Simon and John Gagnon.
I also recently published an article for Kiss & Tell Magazine on the same topic, which can be found here.
Anabel x
Love is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but have you ever thought about how it’s more than just a feeling? For me, love is a verb—an intentional way of being that shapes how we connect with others. Whether it’s in our romantic relationships, family dynamics, or even at work, love is an action we choose to engage in. Yet, I’ll be the first to admit: sometimes, loving feels really hard.
We all have days when life throws challenges our way—stress at work, misunderstandings at home, or just a general feeling of overwhelm. On those days, our capacity to love can feel diminished. Instead of reaching out with warmth and understanding, we might become defensive or pull away, creating distance from those we care about.
It’s important to recognise that this struggle is completely normal. Love is complex; it’s not always easy to navigate. So, how do we keep our intentions to love alive, even when it feels tough?
One of the best pieces of advice I’ve come across is to focus on self-love. When I take the time to care for myself, I find that I can show up as a better partner, friend, or colleague. Here are a few ways to cultivate that self-love:
How often do you give yourself the same kindness you’d offer a friend? Practising self-compassion means acknowledging your struggles without judgement. When I find myself feeling down, I try to talk to myself the way I would talk to someone I care about deeply. This small shift in mindset can create a huge impact.
What lights you up? Think about the activities that bring you joy or help you get into that magical state of flow. For me, it’s often a long walk in nature or getting lost in a good book. These moments of joy recharge my batteries and remind me of what’s important.
Consider trying new activities or revisiting old hobbies that once brought you happiness. It could be anything from painting, gardening, or cooking a new recipe—finding what makes you feel alive is key.
Take a moment to think about what truly matters to you. What activities or connections bring you a sense of purpose? When I focus on what I value most—whether it's family time, meaningful conversations, or creative projects—I feel more grounded and connected, making it easier to extend love to others.
Creating a list of your core values can help clarify what’s essential in your life. This practice can guide your decisions and interactions, reminding you of the loving intentions you want to uphold.
When I prioritise my own wellbeing, I’m more equipped to be loving and present for those around me. It’s not about pretending everything is perfect; it’s about recognising that loving can be hard, and that’s okay. We’re all human, after all.
By investing time in self-care, we create a ripple effect that enhances our relationships. When we take care of our emotional needs, we are better able to offer support and love to those around us, creating a more positive environment for everyone involved.
Embracing love as a intentional practice can change our perspectives. Instead of waiting for the feeling of love to strike us, we can consciously choose to act lovingly, even when our emotions are less than warm. This might mean reaching out to a friend for a chat, offering a word of encouragement to a colleague, or simply taking a moment to appreciate a loved one’s presence.
When we make these intentional choices, we reinforce the idea that love is not just a feeling but a series of actions that strengthen our connections.
It’s perfectly okay to admit that loving can be hard sometimes. We all go through phases where our capacity for love is tested. By focusing on self-love and practising kindness towards ourselves, we can cultivate the resilience needed to love others more fully.
Let’s remember that love is a journey, and each step we take towards being intentional counts. By nurturing our own wellbeing, we empower ourselves to be the loving individuals we aspire to be.
If you like to read, I highly recommend All About Love: New Visions by Bell Hooks which can be found online in many places including Amazon.
And, if you feel you are still finding love a challenge and would like to work with me as your coach, you can contact me here.
Much Love,
Anabel
As a relationship and communication coach, I often find myself reflecting on the myriad ways we can deepen our connections with those we care about. One aspect that frequently emerges in my discussions with clients is the importance of playfulness in romantic relationships. It’s fascinating to delve into the evidence supporting this concept and explore how a playful approach can enhance our relationships in delightful and meaningful ways.
Research has shown that playfulness in romantic relationships can lead to increased satisfaction and intimacy. Playful interactions often help partners navigate conflicts more effectively and foster a sense of safety and trust. When we embrace playfulness, we invite joy and laughter into our lives, making our relationships more vibrant.
Playfulness serves as a vital ingredient in relationship dynamics for several reasons:
To better understand how we can embrace playfulness in our relationships, I want to introduce you to Proyer’s OLIW model, which describes four facets of playfulness:
Understanding these facets of playfulness can help partners identify what resonates with them and how they might incorporate it into their interactions.
If you’re eager to bring more playfulness into your relationship but feel unsure where to start—or perhaps you find the idea of being playful a bit daunting—don’t worry! Here are some joyful suggestions that can help:
It’s essential to remember that playfulness is not a one-size-fits-all concept. What feels playful to one person may seem silly or uncomfortable to another. It’s crucial to be empathetic towards yourself and your partner as you explore this aspect of your relationship. Allowing space for discomfort can lead to growth and deeper understanding.
Incorporating playfulness into romantic relationships can be a powerful tool for fostering connection and enhancing relationship satisfaction. By understanding the different facets of play and exploring ways to integrate them into our lives, we can create more joyful and resilient partnerships. Let’s embrace the potential of play and enrich our experiences together, knowing that laughter and connection can transform our relationships in the most delightful ways.
If you are interested in reading more about Playfulness in Relationships I fully recommend the following articles:
Working with a coach can also help bring more playfulness to your relationships. If you would like to give it a try, you can contact me here.
Anabel x
Marriage changed me. It's funny how one moment can change everything, isn’t it? Just the other day, my new husband gave me a birthday card that read, "My wife, I love you to the moon and back." Simple words, yet they triggered a profound sense of peace, safety, and a deeper understanding of love and commitment.
Marriage wasn’t always on my agenda. I was never the type to dream about weddings or see marriage as a necessary milestone. Then I met him. Gradually, something shifted. Our relationship felt healthy, our communication was strong, and our intimacy was fulfilling. But beyond that, there was a spiritual connection—a transcendence I hadn’t expected.
Marriage changed me in ways I couldn’t have foreseen. While marriage wasn’t in my plans, it has become one of the most rewarding aspects of my life.
Sometimes, I catch my husband looking at me with such pure love that it feels like he's looking straight into my soul. He sees all of me—the good, the bad, and everything in between—and loves me even more for it. The shift from girlfriend to fiancée to wife has brought positive changes I didn’t anticipate, especially in my emotions and identity.
Before the wedding, I was terrified. Old fears of relationship failure resurfaced, and I was a mess. But the day after, something shifted. Despite my Master's degree in Psychology, I couldn't explain it; I just felt secure. For the first time, I felt like we could face anything together.
Marriage changed me, bringing a new sense of security and partnership I hadn’t realised I needed.
Is this newfound peace because he’s the first person who truly wanted to marry me? Or is it simply because he’s the right person? Sometimes, I wonder if my emotions are influenced by where I am in my menstrual cycle, as I have PMDD and that can make things harder. Yet, I think this peace goes beyond temporary feelings—marriage somehow changed me on a deeper level.
Maybe I need to appreciate these feelings for what they are, accepting this peace and love without overthinking it. Can you relate? Have you experienced a similar shift after marriage? What changed for you, if anything? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences. Head over to my socials and join the conversation.
If you would like to read more about mindset shifts in Marriage, here is some further reading:
Here is a recent journal article exploring Growth Mindset in relationships.
Or if you feel like you may benefit from some relational coaching with myself, please feel free to contact me here.
Much Love,
Anabel x
Have you ever tried to help your partner, only to feel like your efforts made things worse? Maybe you offered advice, thinking you were being supportive, but instead of gratitude, you were met with frustration. This can be a common experience in relationships, so let’s dive into how you can support your partner in a way that actually helps rather than hinders.
In relationships, it’s easy to misinterpret what our loved ones truly need. Sometimes, your partner may seem to be asking for help, but what they really want is a listening ear or a comforting presence. So, how can you support your partner in a way that meets their true needs and strengthens your bond?
Before jumping in to "fix" things, consider asking your partner what kind of support they need. Here are a few approaches:
The most straightforward way to understand what your partner needs is to ask. Try something like, “Would you prefer to talk it out or do you just need a hug?” or “Would practical advice help, or would it be more helpful just to vent?” Direct questions can save you both from misunderstandings.
If your partner is dealing with a work-related issue, remember they likely know the situation best. Sometimes they may just need a space to process their thoughts, without added input. Consider whether offering an outside perspective is truly helpful or if it might add to their stress.
Sometimes, the most supportive thing you can do is give your partner space. When tensions are high, even well-meaning help can feel overwhelming. Recognising when to step back can show respect for their needs and allow them to regain a sense of control.
Supporting your partner doesn’t always go as planned, and your attempts might sometimes be met with irritation. Here’s how to handle those moments gracefully:
It’s natural to feel hurt if your support isn’t received well, but remember, their reaction is likely a reflection of their own stress. Try not to take it to heart if they seem frustrated. By staying calm and compassionate, you’ll help keep the environment emotionally safe.
If a discussion begins to escalate, consider suggesting a pause. This isn’t about ignoring the problem but about giving each other the space to approach the issue more calmly. You might say, “Let’s take a break and come back to this when we’re both feeling clearer.” Taking a step back can prevent unnecessary conflict.
Take some time to think about how you and your partner typically handle stress together. Do you tend to jump in with solutions, or do you offer the emotional support they might be seeking? And importantly, how do you express your own needs when you’re feeling overwhelmed?
If navigating these moments feels challenging, you might consider relationship coaching. Together, you can explore ways to communicate more effectively, foster a deeper connection, and build a partnership where both of you feel truly seen, heard, and valued. If you feel I could help you, please contact me here.
If you would like to read more about communicating positively in your relationships you can check out my other blogs here. Or if you love to read, there is an amazing book that I highly recommend to my clients called Nonviolent Communication: a Language of Life By Marshall B. Rosenberg which can be found in many places including Amazon. There are also some information, resources and exercises here on NVC that you may enjoy.
Anabel x